Chapter 1
Posted by mozziestar on September 23, 2008
The IM conversation that started it all!
“The husband says:
hey babe
I say:
hey, just eating lunch at my desk. how are you?
The husband says:
not to good babe
I say:
why?
The husband says:
my dehydration is actting up pretty bad
I say:
well, go to the supermarket and either get some Gatorade or ask the pharmacist what they recommend
The husband says:
chills, throwing up when I drink water, bad, bad head ache and dizzy
I say:
then call and get in to see a doctor right away
The husband says:
it will be ok I just need gatorade, a big gatorade
I say:
are you able to go and get it? i can’t leave the office in the middle of the day with projects on my plate
The husband says:
no, no. to shakey, and the head ache is makeing me kinda blurry eyed
I say:
so, you need me to get it then on my way home?
The husband says:
do you mind babe?
I say:
Well, I would ‘mind’ our car insurance premium skyrocketing when you get in a head-on collision a lot more
The husband says:
water just dont stay down very long
I say:
i will stop on my way home.
The husband says:
I’m sorry babe, I’m just very, very shakey
I say:
try and keep still and continue to stay hydrated until I can stop and pick up some Gatorade for you.
The husband says:
I guess one day for a change you’ll turn to me and say, “do you mind doing me a favor”?
I say:
I think both of us know who takes care of most of the favors in our home
The husband says:
im sorry honey, I know how hard you work
I say:
bye
The husband says:
bye”
1pm: The husband phones me at work to tell me he is apparently suffering an allergic reaction from his 20 hr. work week. Nausea, chills, blurred vision and hallucinations involving deceased relatives are common symptoms.
3pm: The husband requests that I make a stop by the supermarket to ‘get something to set him straight.’ The five minute drive to the supermarket is much more difficult for him than a 25 minute drive home for me.
6pm: I juggle four 64 oz. Gatorade bottles on my hip and battle the evening lines in the supermarket.
7pm: I’ve been home 20 minutes and the husband is ‘hungry.’ Since I haven’t been chained to the kitchen like all proper wives should be, this will require another trip out to get dinner.
3am: The husband rises from his quarters to the bathroom and ’springs’ the inevitable booby-trap of clutter in which he lives. I awake to the crushing and thunderous sound of his 400 lb. fall. Obviously, Christ has returned because nothing else could cause such a calamity. In true Morrissey fashion, I shout, “Come Armageddon, come Armageddon come!”
3:30am: I’m wide awake so I decide to turn my frown upside down and have a bowl of Fruity Pebbles. Like me, they are bursting with fruit flavor.
mrcarl007 said
Wow!!! This just crazy…….. great example of how a man should not be in the married home. No signs of love there at all. No wonder women seek love in other places. With a man like that you can be but furstrated knowing that you go home to the same thing eveeryday. I bet you dont even feel like going home sometimes.
leon said
Your bloke sounds like a drip, a lamo weedy pansy. I am married, I earn 8-10k per month with my own business. I cook, clean, do the laundry, change diapers, feed our baby, take out the trash, bathe my little new born, wake up at 3am to help wife with the baby. This is all about sacrifice and commitment and sharing responsibilities. My wife is a stay at home mother but also runs her real estate business from home. I would never demean her by asking her to cook, in fact I take the initiative and have dinner ready or order in. You need to put your foot down and get your guy under some new house rules. You’ve created a spoilt mummy’s boy.
Dan said
This is funny and true. I am not married but live with my girl friend. We do things 50/50. Here’s the thing that gets me why are you still with him? Why do you allow this to happen? Why not sit him down and have a serious talk. He is at fault and so are you. You tolerate/put up with it.
Kelly said
Sister, you need to get yourself free!!! 50 ways to leave your lover, remember??