The “Bad Husband” Chronicles

Just another day for you and me in Paradise

First day back in the office

Posted by mozziestarlet on October 24, 2008

8am:  I shuffle out to the car, running late, and begin to zoom off towards the office.  I gaze down at the gas gauge and I’m on empty.  The husband obviously drove my car while I was on vacation and left me with just enough fumes to make it about two miles.  I decide to push the envelope and see if I can make it to work without stopping for gas.  It’s cool today, so I think I can manage without the A/C, despite the fact that I am full of hot air.

8:30:  I am five minutes from the office and hit a road block on my usual route.  I circle around and begin to feel like I must be on Candid Camera.  No gas, a road block, running late on my first day back from paradise.  Starbucks is the only option, so I pull in for a latte.  Only Venti size will work for me today.

9am:  I arrive to my office, sit my purse down and immediately get a phone call from the HR Manager.  She says, “Hey there, how was your vacation?  Could you come by and see me for a minute?”  Given that I’ve heard this song and dance countless times before, I already know what is coming.  I enter her office, where ‘The Stomping Bean’ is sitting in an adjacent chair.  She begins her speech, obviously from the politically correct Human Resources B.S. manual, and tells me that my position has been eliminated along with ten others.  ‘The Stomping Bean’ pats me on my shoulder and adds, “You were one of the best we had here.  I am sorry and I hope you will not take this as a personal reflection on you.  Please do not take this personally.”  I politely shake hands with them and am comforted by the fact that my hard work and years put into the company during our current recession will land me a great recommendation and opportunity for the first shift at McDonalds.  I think to myself…Don’t take this personally…if anything means anything in this life, shouldn’t it at the very least be personal?


10am:  I pack my photos, half-dead plant and my“The Queen is Dead” Smiths poster that once decorated my office wall into a copy paper box and head downstairs.  The heartfelt send-off from none of my co-workers has reaffirmed my faith in the true goodness of people. 


1pm:  I arrive home to deliver the news to the husband.  He is so kind to refrain from his current fascination with what is showing on AMC to listen to the news that I’ve just lost my job.  A hug, a word or two of comfort and reassurance is never necessary when it’s time for me to begin networking and surfing the net for new job opportunities.  Before heading upstairs for his afternoon nap, the husband says, “I’m sorry about your job, but we have to have money to live on and you can’t afford to waste any time, k?”


5pm:  I wake from a one-hour Lortab induced nap that has assisted in relieving 20% of my physical pain.  I desperately rummage through the bathroom drawers looking for a temporary fix for my mental pain, knowing that a dosage that high will potentially be lethal.

7pm:  I review our financials and bank account and am pleasantly surprised that we will have just enough money to pay the mortgage and bills for two months before facing adversity.  Starvation is a great method of losing weight and finally squeezing into those size 12’s that have been hanging in my closet since college.  Where there’s a will, there’s a ‘weigh,’ right?

4 Responses to “First day back in the office”

  1. Micha said

    oh :-O

    I am sorry to hear you lost your job. For germany it is weird to hear that you can lose your job that quickly. I mean it is possible here too, but only if you are new or anything. I hope you find a new (and maybe better) job soon!

    btw, like the cartoon 😉

  2. Karen said

    I’m so sorry about the job. I’m losing mine too in six months. Would you like to start a roadside attraction together? Biggest ball of yarn or something? Surely you could teach husb a little dance or something?
    All the best luck you find something wonderful soon.

  3. Judy said

    I can’t believe anyone would lay someone off on the day they return from their vacation!!! After reading your blog and the ridiculous nature of your office I can’t say I am all that surprised, just disappointed. You will find a better job where you will be rewarded for your dedication and hopefully your incredible creativity too. God Bless You Mozzie.

  4. Carl Metellus said

    Hey Im deeply sorry to hear that you have lost your job, although Im happy that you’re out of that office but not happy to hear that you now dont have a job….they always say when one door closes god opens up 2 more doors for you.

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