The “Bad Husband” Chronicles

Just another day for you and me in Paradise

I ain’t no “Jenny from the block”…just a Mozzie among the flock

Posted by mozziestarlet on October 28, 2008

9am:  Double doo doo.  I slept through my alarm so the 3am writing session was delayed.  But, sleep is a welcomed event for me…a rare commodity of sorts.  I just checked my email and my prayer list is growing by leaps and bounds.  So many of you have reached out to me through this blog, sharing your thoughts and burdens, looking for a life preserver or, at the very least, a life guard.  Unfortunately, I am neither of those.  I only have one life preserver and it’s holding its own right now and keeping me afloat.  I do not have a direct line to the Big JC, however, I do ring him on a daily basis.  I love that he always takes my calls, despite his busy schedule and ‘To do’ list.  Like family, he is always there to lend his hand.  I continue to take his in mine.


9:15am:  Good heavens, this coffee is like jet fuel!  I should launch at any moment.  I’m out of artificial sweetener, so it’s back to basics with a spoonful of sugar.  “Just a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down…the medicine go down.”  Don’t you just love Julie Andrews?  I wish I had her magic umbrella so I could drift over the trees and enjoy the view from above.  It’s funny how adjusting your view can allow you to see the world in a different light.  That, in and of itself, is such a beautiful thing.


10am:  ‘The Wiz’ phones me and we decide to attend a Career Fair together tomorrow.  I discussed the idea of offering ourselves as a package deal to potential employers:  Two for the price of one?  Besides, half a salary is more than sufficient to stay ahead in today’s economy.  Hey, Great and Powerful Oz, I could kick the husband to the curb, boil the guest bedroom sheets and fumigate the room for you to move in?  I’ll even let you sleep beneath my Barbie comforter from my college days.  Like me, it is pink and cheerful and soft.  I know you’re a city gal though, and life in suburban bliss isn’t your gig.  You know that living Sex and the City style isn’t mine, so a slumber party will have to suffice.  You bring the Jiffy Pop and I’ll provide our movie entertainment.  “Office Space” is first on the lineup followed by “Better off Dead.”  You know me, Wiz Master, if it came from the 80s it’s in my DVD home library!


11am:  ‘The Countess of Wedgewood’ phones me from the hair salon where she is waiting for her appointment. 


Hey Countess, remember when I frosted your hair and you emerged with that awesome punk rock streak right in the front?  I know you loved me for that.  All hail the power of ‘Nice and Easy’ who corrected my mistake!  My senior year in high school, when we lived together, wasn’t that the best of times?  Let’s recount the memories as they light the corners of my mind:  Me, parking in your space in the garage when you arrived home and it was raining, cranking your A/C in the house below 60 degrees and napping in your bed while you were at work, charging up your Lerner’s and The Limited credit cards, our midnight runs to Sonic drive-in and loving those fried Pickle-Os only served in Mississippi.  Gosh, we had fun.  That year was probably the best of my life (so far).  I have you to thank for it, Countess.


Sorry for the digression, readers, what I was beginning to say before I got caught up in nostalgia was that ‘The Countess’ visited today’s blog and saw her dancing video on display to the world.  After viewing the video, she says that she expects Jenny Craig to call her at any moment to offer her an endorsement and commercial contract.  Well Anigo, my beloved ‘Countess of Wedgewood,’ give Jenny my number when she calls.  We aren’t known celebrities outside of this blog, but maybe Anigo² is what Jenny needs to boost her first quarter revenue goals for 2009.  Sometimes truth is stranger than fiction!

Kirstie “during” Jenny…


Kirstie “after” Jenny…


One Response to “I ain’t no “Jenny from the block”…just a Mozzie among the flock”

  1. Carl Metellus said

    Lol wow. Good ol days huh?

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