The “Bad Husband” Chronicles

Just another day for you and me in Paradise

Mozziestar Flashback Entry, Year: 2000

Posted by mozziestarlet on November 13, 2008

3pm:  I have two tickets to see one of my favorite bands, Apoptygma Berzerk, that evening but am without a date.  I’m in the process of divorcing my cheating husband #1, so my original plan of the two of us going to the concert together is now completely out of the question.  Scrambling around at the last minute, I decide to call in a big favor and phone my older brother to see if he’s feeling graciously dangerous.  After pleading with him for a bit, he decides to ‘show me the love’ and agrees to accompany me to the concert.  In order to understand this magnificent feat, I’ll relay some background information.  My older brother is very conservative and colors within the lines.  We are on opposite poles of the personality spectrum, but both have a love for music coursing through our veins.  Naturally, my taste in music is anything but popular with most and his is more traditionally safe.  Realizing this, I know what an extraordinary act of kindness he is bestowing upon me by agreeing to see Apoptygma Berzerk (APB) that evening.  APB is a cutting-edge, electronic band with thoughtful lyrics.  They tend to attract fans that keep step to the beat of a different drummer.  I am one of those people, in case you are just tuning in.

6pm:  I arrive at my brother’s house to begin our trip downtown for an evening I’ve been anticipating for months.  My brother greets me at the door, decked in his Izod shirt and khackis, sighs, and rolls his eyes at my attire.  To quote Depeche Mode, “She’s dressed in black again and I’m falling down again. But, oh what can you do when she’s dressed in black?”  My sis-in-law, a sweet and loveable wife and mother, chuckles before bidding us farewell.  My brother says, “Great.  We’re off to see Tigger goes berzerk.”  I playfully punch him in the arm and issue a ‘hardee harr harr.’

6:45pm:  We arrive at the concert venue, The Masquerade, and stand in line with the other oddballs as we wait for the doors to open.  I tend to blend in among this crowd, but my sweet brother stands out like a sore thumb.  He begins to fidget uncomfortably and says, “I’m gonna get killed here tonight, aren’t I?”  I laugh in response and say, “Well, I might have given some thought to the khakis, but I think you will manage just fine.”

7:15pm:  We make our way inside and begin to navigate our path to the concert hall.  If you’ve never been to The Masquerade, there are three levels: Heaven, Hell, and Purgatory.  Heaven is the concert hall, Purgatory is the dancing floor, and Hell is the bar.  Talk about pure marketing genius!  They should have hired me, though I couldn’t have done a more bang-up job myself.  We decide to find a table and relax while the opening act warms up to perform.  My brother is squirming in his seat and says, “Um, yeah.  I’m gonna go get a pitcher of beer, ok?”  I smile and nod in return, silently ingesting the glorious atmosphere engulfing me. 

9:15pm:  Two hours have elapsed and my brother has successfully consumed three pitchers of beer.  I have no problem with this, realizing that everyone needs to let loose every once in awhile, and realize that his ‘buzz’ will make the concert tolerable, at the very least.  APB takes the stage in a blaze of glory and I am moved to my feet, dancing and twirling in a dazy haze of smoke and incense.  My brother is nursing a beer, laughs quietly at me, but seems happy to see me enjoying myself after so many months of navigating stormy seas.

10:30pm:  APB takes a brief intermission to allow us to catch our breath before the second set.  I sit down next to my brother and take a swig of icy cold Bass Ale.  As we are talking, a beautiful girl approaches our table.  She looks at me and says, “Hi.  I just wanted to tell you that you have the most beautiful face, truly.  What kind of makeup do you use?”  I am touched by her kindness and we begin to chat, while my brother makes his way back to the bar for a refill.  While he’s away, she and I hit it off and she asks if maybe we can hang out sometimes.  When my brother returns, she briefly steps away to reconvene with her friends, and he has a concerned and perplexed look on his face.  I look at him and say, “What’s wrong?  You ok?”  He responds, “Geez, Mozzie, that girl is totally hitting on you.”  I cackle in disbelief and assure him that he is mistaken, but he continues to try and convince me.  I say, “Well, there’s only one way to find out.  I will ask her.”  My sweet older brother, a true pacifist by nature, looks like he’s in the first stage of cardiac arrest.  I motion for the pretty girl to come back to our table and she quickly returns without hesitation.  I say, “Hey, can I ask you something?”  She graciously nods in agreement and says, “Well, of course!”  I take a deep breath and respond, “Are you gay?  I tend to be oblivious to these things, so I just thought I’d ask.”  Lord, have mercy…my brother is about to launch out of his seat in embarrassment and fear at my boldness and direct line of questioning.  The girl grins sheepishly and says, “Yes, I am.  Aren’t you?”  I politely smile and respond, “No, hun.  I’m not.  Sorry.”  She purses her lips and says, “Hmm…my loss.”

12:30pm:  We make our way out to the car to begin the trek back home to surburbia.  My brother is relatively silent, leaving me to bask in the afterglow of my evening with APB.  I will never forget this night or this concert.  My brother walked on the razor’s edge, a pretty girl attempted to boldly go where no girl has gone before, and I made a lasting memory.  Not a bad way to spend an evening.

“Music is the art which is most nigh to tears and memory.” 

 ~ Oscar Wilde

“Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life.” 

 ~ Berthold Auerbach

“Kathy’s song” by Apoptygma Berzerk…

8 Responses to “Mozziestar Flashback Entry, Year: 2000”

  1. Lmao @ tigger goes berzerk lol

  2. your older "conservative" brother said

    Tigger goes berzerk…ha ha…classic! Man, that Bass Ale was so good that night!

  3. mozziestar said

    Yes, indeed. Apparently, even more so for a particular someone. 😉

  4. Synthpop is dead said

    APB sucks!!!!!!!!!

  5. mozziestar said

    LOL!! Well, well, look who finally decided to come out and play. *happy dance*

    If APB sucks, then Kraftwerk is synthpop genius, BFF. 😉

  6. Synthpop is dead said

    Any band that uses keyboards or computers, like APB or Kraftwerk, sucks. They’re just 80s wannabe bands even though the 70s band, Kraftwerk, influenced the many Casio 80s bands like DM, Erasure, OMD, Pet Shop Boys, Human League, Heaven 17, APB, De/Vision, Camouflage, Wolfsheim, etc.

    For those about to rock, I salute you. One can’t rock with keyboards and computers. Wussies all!

  7. mozziestar said

    Bully! You hide and crouch in the corner and when you finally decide to show yourself, you assault the memory of 80s new wave. Shame on you, BFF! You know I will call your Mom if need be. Show Mozzie some RESPECT or I’ll steal your kitty.

    BTW, it’s only polite that you respond to the entry written in your honor, “To my BFF (yes, you know who you are).” Many have emailed me about the hilarity of that post, and the most ironic part about it is that it hits your proverbial nail on the head. Don’t hate me because I know you all too well BFF, especially after 11 years of you successfully avoiding me on a regular basis. grrrrr….

    “Rejection is one thing, but rejection from your BFF is cruel.” 🙂

  8. jayashree said

    Mozzie- this is so vivdly written,I felt I was there. I can relate to this completely!!
    Your brother,the girl hitting on you-all so real!

    Keep writing Mozzie,I’ll keep reading, and enjoy!!
    Jay Jay

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