The “Bad Husband” Chronicles

Just another day for you and me in Paradise

Rainy days and Mondays

Posted by mozziestarlet on November 24, 2008

I woke up this morning and debated whether or not to write an entry today.  I’ve always subscribed to the notion that my parents taught me as a kid: “Now Mozzie, if you can’t say anything ‘nice,’ don’t say anything at all.”  I really do try and approach my life this way, as childish and rudimentary as it may seem.  The ‘thing’ is that most days I manage to survive relatively well.  I do my best to maintain a positive attitude, constantly reminding myself that there are so many others who are facing trials and adversities in their lives, but occasionally, I find myself thinking “Seriously, how much more crap can I take in my life?”  Today is one of those days.

 

Like the rest of America, I am having a horrible time trying to find a job.  I’ve sent out at least several hundred resumes, replies to job postings, inquires, etc. and absolutely nothing has come to fruition.  I wish this were the only troublesome thing facing me currently, but it’s not, by any stretch of the imagination.  I received my initial paperwork to file for divorce this morning, and even though I know it’s the ‘right’ decision to make, it felt like a virus sitting in my inbox.  Sort of like a written manifestation of yet another failure I’ve managed to accomplish in my thirty-five years on this planet.  And no, I’m not trying to hold a pity party on my behalf, but, when I look back at my life thus far, I’m amazed at how much misfortune and doo doo that I’ve had to endure.  Marriages flushed down the toilet at lightening speed, false friendships, betrayals, disappointments, and lay off after lay off after lay off.  Why does this continue to happen to me?  If I’m such a ‘good’ person, why do I have more than my fair share of pain and hardship? 

 

I cannot answer this question, despite how much I spin my wheels in futility.  I find myself sighing while thinking of Morrissey’s words, “Scavenging through life’s very constant lulls, so far from where I intended to go.”  Despite this, when I face trials and problems that feel insurmountable, I often look to The Bible for wisdom and understanding.  I realize that many view The Bible as a folk story or a collection of ancient ‘do good’ sayings.  I suppose, on the surface, it can be viewed as such.  But, I look at it from the standpoint of someone who suffered, yet overcame, the most unbelievable hardship and adversity that anyone possibly ever could.  This gives me comfort and somehow, gives me strength as well.

 

If difficult times serve to build character, then I am on my way to becoming a living personification of that ideal.  Will I look back on my life one day and say, “Oh, so THAT is why that happened?  I get it now.”  I certainly hope so.  There’s nothing worse than spending your life waiting for an absolution that will never come.  So, I won’t.  I’ll take each quandary as it comes and try and learn what I can from it.  And perhaps someday, I will understand.

 

 

“The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”
– Deuteronomy 31:8

 

“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”
– Matthew 6:34

perseverance

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6 Responses to “Rainy days and Mondays”

  1. sacredsoulreiki said

    Have you brought in the angels and asked them to help you find a job and get rid of the crap?? Call on Archangel Michael to come in and get rid of all the negativity!! Ask your angels to help you find that job you are looking for! People sometimes forget that with Angels the only rule is….you have to ASK!!! Good luck and I am sending you some angels to help you along especially today!!

  2. Anonymous said

    Hello Miss Star,

    I can empathize with how hard your life is right now. I feel so isolated and so pressed down on, but we are going to get through these moments in our lives.

    You are a great person. You are not a failure. You will shine brightly in the sun again.

    Be good to yourself.

  3. Jason said

    Just think of Moz…”in the future when all is well.”

  4. a girlfriend said

    It’s your marvelous sense of humor and your faith in God that gets you through the rough times. Mozzie, you are that fresh little daisy that is blooming and bringing happiness to all who know you. Keep on writing and sharing your poetry. One of these days, someone will discover your writing abilities and we will boast with pride. That’s our mozziestar!

  5. Wondertwin said

    I have known the loss of heart too. I have been in dark places and it seemed to engulf me. These words helped me and I can only share them out of love and hope for you.

    —-
    We walked the narrow path
    Beneath the smoking skies
    Sometimes barely tell the difference
    Between darkness and light
    Do we have faith in what we believe?
    The truest test is when we cannot see

    I hear pounding feet in the streets below
    And the women crying and the children know
    That there’s something wrong
    It’s hard to believe that love will prevail

    It won’t rain all the time
    The sky won’t fall forever
    And though the night seems long
    your tears won’t fall forever

    When I’m lonely, I lie awake at night
    And I wish you were here, I miss you.
    Can you tell me is there something more to believe in?
    Or is this all there is?

    And the pounding feet in the streets below
    And a window breaks and a woman falls, there’s,
    There’s something wrong
    It’s hard to believe that love will prevail.

    It won’t rain all the time…
    Last night I had a dream
    You came into my room
    You took me into your arms
    Whispering and kissing me
    And telling me to still believe
    (Within the emptiness of
    The burning cities against which
    We set our darkest of selves)
    Until finally I felt safe and warm
    I fell asleep in your arms
    And when I awoke I cried again
    For you were gone
    Can you hear me?

    It won’t rain all the time
    The sky won’t fall forever
    And though the night seems long
    Your tears won’t fall forever

  6. mozziestar said

    Wow. That is beautiful. Thank you for sharing.

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