The “Bad Husband” Chronicles

Just another day for you and me in Paradise

There’s gonna be some trouble. A whole house will need rebuilding.

Posted by mozziestarlet on December 1, 2008

There is sufficient trouble brewing at home right now.  I finally understand the notion of ‘the calm before the storm.’  Ever since I informed the husband of my intent to divorce him, he has been unusually silent towards me.  At first, I thought the silence was just a manifestation of his hurt, disappointment and loss.  Obviously, I feel it too…deeply.  However, I noticed this morning before he left the house that he would not give me any eye contact.  When I asked him what was wrong, he replied, “We need to talk later.”  Naturally, I was left feeling very concerned and almost threatened.  Immediately, the words of my attorney sprung to mind when she told me, “You need to have him removed from your home before he becomes resentful or paranoid.  I know you may think this wouldn’t happen, but it almost always does.  Every person has a breaking point.”

 

After this morning’s bizarre interaction with him, I’ve realized that my attorney’s comments were very insightful, almost foreshadowing events yet to come in my life.  After he left this morning, I talked with my Mom about what had transpired.  She and the rest of my poor, sweet family are worried sick that he might do something harmful towards me.  So, I decided to be proactive and talk to the police about my concerns.  I was a bit stunned with what they told me.  They said, “Unless he has outright threatened to kill you or hit you, raised his hand to you, etc., there isn’t anything we can do.  If he does anything of this nature, dial 911 and we will dispatch an officer to your home and file a report.”  Something is terribly wrong with our legal system in the U.S. if you have to wait until your spouse strikes you or verbally expresses his intent to harm you before any action takes place to protect you.  It’s really no surprise that women are killed each day by their husbands, ex-husbands, and boyfriends.  No one takes them seriously until after they are attacked, abused or even murdered.  Does the system not realize that if a woman feels her safety has been comprised, she is not ‘crying wolf?’ 

 

I waited for several hours before phoning the husband at work to try and gain some insight into what is going on in his bewildered, paranoid mind.  He alluded to noticing ‘changes in my behavior recently,’ which amounted to me talking on my cell phone more than I normally do and staying up later on the phone with friends and/or family members.  Mind you, this is nothing new.  I’ve always kept in touch with my family each day, especially since these events began to unfold.  I began using my cell phone when talking to them simply because I knew he could easily pick up the other receiver on our home phone and listen to my private conversations.  Several weeks ago, I had interference on my home phone line due to not having a filter on my DSL, and used my cell phone at home until the problem could be rectified.  When I let the dog out one evening before bed, I was talking to my Mom on my cell outside while the dog was tending to his business.  When I returned inside, the husband accused me of having a secret affair or talking to someone behind his back.  I realized then that attempting to reason with him was completely futile.

 

So now, I’m frazzled and anxious, not knowing what to expect when he returns home.  He has always pledged that he would never harm me, but feeling betrayed and abandoned hits home for him.  Somehow, he feels that is what I’m doing to him…just another woman in his life that has broken a promise to him.  He accepts no blame or fault from his own actions or lack thereof, but only sees himself as the eternal ‘victim’ of life’s cruel circumstances.  This is a dangerous perspective for anyone, particularly him.

 

I will be careful tonight and in the coming days, cautious and astutely aware of his comments, body language and subtle innuendos.  It’s like my attorney said, “Everyone has a breaking point.  Losing someone like you could be his.”

impending-storm1

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6 Responses to “There’s gonna be some trouble. A whole house will need rebuilding.”

  1. Anonymous said

    i know it’s a sticky situation because it’s just as much your house as it is his and why should you be the one to leave but is there anyone you can stay with while you’re going through this? that sounds a little dangerous, people will lose reason and logic when going through something like this (the way he’s becoming paranoid and accusing you of a secret affair, etc.) i don’t know, i’ve worked in the social service field and seen too many scenarios like this and i’m seeing some red flags, above all you have to listen to your gut instinct and if you are feeling frazzled and anxious you have to pay attention to that. sorry i sound like a parent who’s lecturing! can you stay with family while you finalize things or is he hoping for a “reconciliation” or something?

  2. Anonymous said

    Seriously, go stay with mom and dad tonight. Or at the very least, have them drive by to check on the house.

  3. Angie said

    Yup, leave.

    I stayed too long in an abusive situation and it’s why getting through this time now is a blessing because I did leave.

    Good luck! Stay safe!

  4. Tash said

    All my strength and prayers are with you both. Stay safe Moz!

  5. Anonymous said

    Get out of there!

  6. Steve said

    Your comments on the legal system are dead on. The system is designed to be reactive, not proactive. Which means that the assumption is that people (in general) are basically good. Of course the original assumption was a hands off attitude towards most disputes, assuming that we as individuals could work them out between ourselves.

    If the system became proactive, i.e. your husband was arrested on the “potential” that he could become violent or abusive, then we would no longer have a free society.

    I realize that this doesn’t make you feel any better, nor would I have brought the concept up if you weren’t staying with your parents. I hope all goes well, with the divorce and the (hopefully) new job as well.

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