The “Bad Husband” Chronicles

Just another day for you and me in Paradise


How long does a tear take to dry?

Posted by mozziestarlet on January 13, 2009

Despite being busy and preoccupied with my new job, I spend so much of my time internalizing and contemplating my personal situation.  I think about my bad husband, the heartbreak of divorce, and the task of starting my life over again on my own.  If I am truly honest with myself, I’ve been alone even in my marriages.  I enjoyed several blissful years with Husband #1 before he became a slave to his pocket compass and travelled the road of infidelity.  So, I know the beauty of a truly fruitful relationship, even though the memory has become faded over the years and through the natural progression of time.  Do you ever find yourself wondering why some people ‘get lucky’ and find their ideal match in life while others fall into peril?  I in no way mean to appear flippant as if I do not take any responsibility for my poor decisions, but I can’t help but ponder how there appears to be no rhyme or reason to it.  I’ve known others, like myself, who carefully dated their spouse for years before taking the walk down the plank, only to discover an intricate web of deception once they were married.  Then, on the other hand, there are those who are swept into a whirlwind romance of only a few months before marriage and are STILL happily married many years later.  This just proves to me that there is truly no magic formula involved.

Despite the hardship the husband has caused me over the years, I do care for him and wish for his happiness.  As I’ve mentioned before, he still doesn’t ‘get it’ and grieves over the loss of me and our marriage.  He emails or texts me lamenting messages of how he is miserable without me and general tales of ‘Oh Woe is me’ on a daily basis.  How do you deal with a situation like this?  It seems responding to his repeated cries only makes things worse and perhaps the best route is avoidance.  I am not the one who can ease his pain and comfort him.  That can only be something that he must learn to find within himself.

It reminds me of one of my favorite scenes from the movie ‘The Way We Were.’  Katie, a headstrong and opinionated gal, has lost her true love, Hubbel, and he moves out to stay with a friend.  He’s gone for only a few hours and she picks up the phone, out of sheer torture and habit, and pleads for him to come home and stay with her until she can fall asleep.  She says, “You see, Hubbel.  You are my best friend and I need to talk to my best friend about someone we both know.  So, will you, Hubbel?  Will you come and see me through tonight?  I promise I won’t touch you or beg you or embarrass you.  So Hubbel, could you come over right away?  Please…please?”  This scene has always touched me, but I truly understand the meaning of it now in my own life.  As Morrissey says, “I’ve seen this happen in other peoples’ lives, but now it’s happening in mine.”

So, how long does a tear take to dry?  I think, for some, it takes an eternity.


Below is the movie clip referenced above.  Enjoy.

4 Responses to “How long does a tear take to dry?”

  1. onemanoneview said

    It is my hope that one day the tear of sorrow will be replaced with a tear created from laughter. Darkness will one day give way to the sun.


  2. Pine Saul said

    I’ve always been of a mind that the one who “hurts” you cannot (and should not) be the one who consoles you. Not that you intentionally hurt your husband, much less maliciously. But the way feelings work is that someone hurts and all those verbs and objects of prepositions and such jumble themselves around until when they finally fall in line, they suggest someone’s to blame for the hurting. I always stayed out of the way. Anything else was likely to be construed as hope. And as I always say, a little hope can be a dangerous thing. haha

  3. Andrew said

    I have been following your blog for awhile but never posted a comment. I guess I’m a coward. But I wanted to tell you how extraordinary I think you are and you have quite a way of telling your story. I don’t know you but I feel like I do. It is a comforting voice in the chaos of life.

    Thanks, Star.

  4. regular lout said

    I think the prob is that you have seen the absolute worst in men and don’t know that we aren’t all like this. Women like you are virtually non-existent and I know you will be discovered one day by someone who will worship you. I’m an old bloke, so I know you are “the woman of (his) dreams just waiting to come along.”

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