The “Bad Husband” Chronicles

Just another day for you and me in Paradise

I don’t mind if you forget me

Posted by mozziestarlet on January 21, 2009

Absence is a funny thing.  In some cases, particularly in love, it can make the heart grow fonder and cause us to swell with giddy feelings of infatuation and anticipation.  Yet, in other instances, it allows us a great deal of clarity once we separate ourselves from a person or situation and can view things with a more objective eye than when we are immersed completely in it.  You can say that staying with the parental units during my divorce proceedings with the husband has ultimately been a positive thing because it has allowed me this level of clarity.  Unfortunately, it has not proven to be so for the husband.  He is still restlessly flopping around in between ‘no-man’s land’ and the land of ‘why are we doing this?’  It amazes me how the reasons are so blatantly clear to me and others, yet so oblivious and obscure to him.  In a way, it’s ironically representative of our marriage.  I have always been on one page while he has clearly been on another, with the pages rarely overlapping.  I suppose that his confusion and misunderstanding with the dissolution of our marriage is no great surprise to me in that regard.  I can’t help but wonder if the light will ever ‘switch on’ and he will one day say, “Oh, NOW I finally get it.”  Either way, it’s not really my concern in the long run.

 

Our first hearing is scheduled for the end of this month and the husband pesters me on a daily basis to meet him and discuss the details beforehand because it is in “my best interest” that he knows everything about my current and future financial situation so that “I won’t get stuck paying him alimony.”  Once again, I find this incredibly humorous because he has never taken any remote interest in my or our financial standing, even when we were poverty-stricken and on the verge of losing everything.  Isn’t it coincidentally ironic how he is now so unselfishly concerned for my ultimate well-being and financial security given that he has directly contributed to me being flushed down the proverbial can too many times to count?  In addition to being apprised of my financial standing in order for me not to have to pay him alimony (AS IF), he reminds me during each conversation how much he misses and loves me.  Misses me?  Perhaps.  Loves me?  Not even remotely.  What so many people fail to realize is that love is verb, an action word, and actions always speak louder than words.  Sure, you can easily tell someone that you “love” them, but when push comes to shove, it’s the daily actions that either prove or disprove this.  And even I, the most avid lover of language, recognize the fallacy of this term and have learned to take it with a grain of salt.  Anyone can pledge love and devotion, but it’s the rare gem that can actually walk the talk.

 

So, what do I want most from my situation with the husband?  Ultimately, I want closure.  I want us both to move on to the next phase of our lives and chalk our marriage up to what it was: a bad judgment call on my part and two people who make absolutely no sense being married to one another.  Yes, there are memories (though distant now) that will always be cherished, but it isn’t until you let go of the old that you can learn to embrace the new.  Sure, I hope that the husband will reflect on our marriage fondly, but what I really want is for him to put the memory and ideal of me and us away and start to focus on his future without me.  In essence, I want him to remove me from his daily thought process and stream of consciousness.  You cannot learn to run before you learn to walk, and the husband hasn’t even begun to take baby steps yet.  Only this time, I will not be there to break his fall.

 

“Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in.  Forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day and you shall begin it well and serenely.”

– Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)

 

“Acceptance of what has happened is the first step to overcoming the consequences of any misfortune.”

– William James (1842-1910)

 

 “The harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph. What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly; it is dearness only that gives everything its value. I love the man that can smile in trouble; that can gather strength from distress and grow.”

– Thomas Paine (1737-1809)

 

“I DON’T MIND IF YOU FORGET ME” by Morrissey

I don’t mind,
I don’t mind if you forget me
Having learned my lesson,
I never left an impression on anyone
So now you send me your hardened ‘regards’
when once you’d send me ‘love’
Sincerely I must tell you,
Your mild ‘best wishes’
They make me suspicious
But I don’t mind
I don’t mind if you forget me
Having learned my lesson,
I never left an impression on anyone
The pressure to change, to move on
Was strange and very strong
So this is why I tell you
I really do understand
BYE BYE
I don’t mind if you forget me
no no no no no no no
REJECTION IS ONE THING
BUT REJECTION FROM A FOOL IS CRUEL
REJECTION IS ONE THING
BUT REJECTION FROM A FOOL IS CRUEL
And I don’t mind if you forget me
I don’t mind if your forget me

One Response to “I don’t mind if you forget me”

  1. rocio said

    very touching. you are being very strong in not falling for his manipulation, good luck with everything!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

 
%d bloggers like this: