The “Bad Husband” Chronicles

Just another day for you and me in Paradise

The certainty of uncertainty

Posted by mozziestarlet on January 28, 2009

Despite the months leading up to my current marital precipice, I still feel fairly unprepared for all that is facing me.  The funny thing about life is that oftentimes, despite how much thought or preparation you can take to plan for the future, there is still so much left in the hands of fate.  For someone like me, a careful planner by nature, this element of uncertainty is such a grueling factor to take into account.  Yes, I can make all the plans in the world for how I want my immediate future to unfold, but the truth of the matter is that so much of it isn’t up to me.  Tomorrow, I will face a judge, present ‘my side’ of the story concerning why I am seeking a divorce from the husband, and hope that he/she will be fair and reasonable.  The problem with family and divorce law is that these courts are sadly overflowing with cases.  Day in and day out, these judges hear stories that would boggle the mind and most certainly make any judge swear off the vow of marriage for the rest of their lives.  Isn’t it ironic how your wedding day, one of the most memorable days of your life, can be turned on its head and become something to be battled out in our legal system?  When I think of how nonchalant society has become about marriage today, it does bring to mind Morrissey’s words, “Heavy words so lightly thrown”…a sad commentary, but painfully true.

 

 

You see, those who are close to me frequently remark that one of my biggest flaws is that I can be ‘too nice’ and don’t put my needs first.  They say that I should ‘get tough,’ and if necessary, be mean to the husband to drive the point home that our marriage is over and that he needs to grow up, stop hassling me, and take care of himself for a change.  At first, I thought this seemed like cruel and unusual punishment, so I’ve been nothing short of accommodating to the husband during our separation.  Now, as months have elapsed with me living with my parents and the husband acting like a real jackass, I’ve come to realize that this tougher approach is the only way to handle him.  At first, I did feel sympathy for the husband, knowing that I am the one filing for the divorce and leaving him behind.  But yesterday, when I went home briefly to gather a few personal items, I completely changed my mind. 

 

The husband was at work and had no idea that I would be stopping by my house, so I got to see firsthand exactly how the husband has been living in my home during our separation.  I flung open the door and was nearly knocked down by the sweltering heat coming from the living room.  I approached the thermometer only to find it set on 80 degrees with the heat blowing full blast throughout the house.  Mind you, it was 65 degrees in Atlanta yesterday and hardly chilly or even cold.  My beautiful home, my once perfect solace, was cluttered with dirty dishes on every table, laundry slung over the furniture and floor, and trash piled up high enough to perform an impressive Olympic high jump.  Not to mention, the stench of dried food and sweaty socks permeated throughout my house, which once smelled of flowers and potpourri.  I noticed new stains on the carpet, undoubtedly from the husband not letting the dog out to potty regularly, and instead allowing him to do his business on the den carpet.  I surveyed the damage and thought to myself, “Is this MY house?  How will I ever get it back the way it was once before?  How could anyone be so thoughtless and utterly disgusting?”  My appalled state of mind lasted for a few minutes before I felt rage boiling inside of me, imagining my slovenly husband sitting on his lazy ass, trashing my house and running up the gas and electric bills with no regard for the person who will actually be stuck paying for them.  And then I thought about how he’s continually pleaded with me through these months not to be thrown out in the street ‘like an old dog’ with nowhere to go.  Well, you know what?  I simply don’t care anymore.  My tenure of playing Mommy to him is finally over and it’s time to reclaim my life.

 

The way I see it is that the husband is single-handily responsible for sabotaging any remaining feeling I might have had for him.  He’s made his bed and must now lie in it.  Does that make me a ‘bad’ person for thinking this way…cold-hearted, callous?  Well, I hold no degree in family or marital law, but I can hardly imagine any intelligent or rational person seeing the husband for anyone other than EXACTLY who and what he is.

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