The “Bad Husband” Chronicles

Just another day for you and me in Paradise

Sorry doesn’t help

Posted by mozziestarlet on February 2, 2009

It’s strange, but I was certain that when the ‘final judgment’ was made in my divorce case, both the husband and I would feel a sense of closure to the entire situation.  I must say that I certainly felt a shift in my attitude when the judge uttered the words, “Well folks, that’s it.  You’re all done.”  It was as if an insurmountable albatross was lifted from around my neck, an incredible weight released from my heart and chest, and I was able to take my first breath in months, if not longer.  I drove home from the courthouse reeling from the entire afternoon, recounting the rational nature by which the judge systematically divided and conquered each unsettled item of our marriage.  I realize that our legal system must take this approach due to the overwhelming number of divorce cases they see every day, but the manner in which your personal matters are resolved is almost laughable.  The judges and mediators trudge through your issues decidedly and quickly, almost as if they have a ‘Divorce checklist’ that they follow and check off as each item is satisfactorily handled.  Even though this approach threw me for a loop at first, ultimately, I was grateful that the case was handled much like the dissolution of a business or partnership, rather than an enormous emotional battle of ‘He said, She said.’  And, when all was said and done, all of that really didn’t matter anyways.
Four days have elapsed since our divorce settlement and the husband continues to call and text as if nothing much has changed.  I’ve urged him to get his affairs in order, begin packing and making arrangements for his departure in a few weeks, but I sense that he is still living in an emotional cloud of denial, regret and sadly, reminiscence as well.  He still tells me how much he misses me and my smiling face to greet him each morning and evening, the way I always took care of him, and how I made everything in his life beautiful.  Most of the time, I respond either in silence or do my best to change the subject.  Despite my feelings or lack thereof towards him now, I do not want to add to his pain or suffering as he is obviously coming to grips with his own demons now.  And on occasion, he will tell me how sorry he is that things came to end how they did and that he wasn’t a better husband.  Ironically, I do sense the sincerity in his apologies now, even though they don’t change an iota of how I feel about him.  I suppose you can chalk it up to the old adage:  ‘It’s a little too late’ for regret now. 

If there is one thing I can pass on to others from this whole catastrophic experience, it is this:

If there is an area of your life or relationship where you know you are falling short, DO something to change it.  Don’t expect the situation to miraculously improve if you are unwilling to contribute your share to the betterment of the relationship.  If things do not work out favorably or as you hoped, you will have the peace of mind in knowing that you put forth a truly valiant effort.  You did all that you could.  Once you accept this, you can acknowledge the loss, and ultimately, move on with your life.

And one more bit of unsolicited advice:  Don’t say you’re ‘sorry’ once all is said and done.  Sorry’s are a dime and dozen, and as Morrissey says…

“Sorry doesn’t help”

Sorry’s pour out of you
All wide-eyed simple smiles
certain to see you through
like a QC full of fake humility
you say:
“Oh, please forgive…”
you say:
“Oh, live and let live…”
but sorry doesn’t help us
and sorry will not save us
and sorry will not bring my teen years back to me (any time soon)
Forced back, it springs right out
seasoned, you have no doubts
you lied about the lies that you told
which is the full extent of what being you is all about
you say:
“Oh, please forgive…”
you say:
“Oh, live and let live…”
but sorry doesn’t help us
sorry will not save us
sorry will not bring my love into my arms (as far as I know…)
sorry doesn’t help us
sorry will not save us
sorry is just a word you find so easy to say… so you say it anyway
sorry doesn’t help us
sorry won’t protect us
sorry won’t undo all the good gone wrong

 

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One Response to “Sorry doesn’t help”

  1. Redman said

    Hooray!! The deal is done and the ogre is due to leave. None too soon, say I…and good riddance.

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