The “Bad Husband” Chronicles

Just another day for you and me in Paradise

An honest mistake?

Posted by mozziestarlet on February 18, 2009

mistakes-funding

Do you ever find yourself looking back at a situation or relationship and asking, “How did I ever fall for that?”  Lord knows, if I had a dime for every time I’ve thought this way, I’d be living off my millions on a tropical oasis by now.  The worst part about it is the realization that you’ve allowed yourself to be ‘snookered’ once again by someone close to you.  You bought into the ideal that they would always be there for you, always be helpful and supportive, and most of all, that they would always love you.  It seemed such an easy thing to hear and accept at the time, but later you realize that this is a much more difficult task for some and not others.

I’ve said it so many times before:  ‘Love’ is a verb, not an adjective.  Love is represented in our daily actions, however small and insignificant they may appear at the time.  Loving someone is knowing how to be a partner in every aspect of the word, not just when it’s convenient or easy.  It’s being the missing puzzle piece to another person’s soul and existence.  Through truly loving another person, we are not only fulfilled but provide fulfillment as well.  At its best, love is entirely a two-way street.  Given this, why is this ideal such a diminishing notion in today’s world?  Have people become so self-absorbed that they’ve lost that loving feeling?

Perhaps I’m the wrong person to consult on matters of the heart, given my poor track record.  Yes, I’ve made two terrible mistakes in the span of my adult life where love and marriage were concerned, and quite frankly, I have become jaded by the ideal of ‘true love.’  Does it still exist?  Can someone actually say what they mean and mean what they say…forever?  I really don’t know anymore, but I’d certainly like to think so.  Without that possibility, where is joy to be found?

I suppose I am not only seeking closure and answers to my questionable mistakes, but I’m also hoping that true love can and does still exist out there.  I want to believe in it, but through the process of ‘raking up my mistakes,’ it is a terribly difficult dream to hold on to.

“Honestly” by Annie Lennox

“The beauty that you gave
Has turned upon itself
And all the things you said
Evaporated
Evaporated …
Was I blind
Deaf and dumb
To the words slipped from your tongue?

Honestly … honestly … honestly
Alone in my bed
The things that you said
Go round in my head … still
It seems to be true
That nothin’ I do
Can influence you …

I tried and tried again
(Don’t you know I tried and tried again
to make you listen to me
But everything I said it always seemed to go right through you)
To make you notice me
(I turned myself into a person that I didn’t like
But please believe me when I say I know it wasn’t right)
But talking to myself
(I never thought that things would
get to be so complicated
I never thought that you and me would end up o frustrated)
Won’t catch you attention I see …
(You’d think that something had to come from all those good intentions
But in the end I needed something more than intervention)

Was I mad?
Was I mad?
Foolish me
Foolish me
To succumb so easily
To succumb
Easily
So easily
So easily

Honestly… honestly… honestly…
(Alone in my bed
The things that you said
Go round in my head … still
It seems to be true
That nothin’ I do
Can influence you… still)

Fools like me get so easily taken
And fools like me can be so mistaken

Honestly… Honestly… Honestly

The promise that you gave
(Don’t you know the promise that you
gave just turned it’s back upon me
I stopped believing but you couldn’t take the whole thing from me)
Has turned it’s back
(I never thought I’d have to pay the price to set you free)
And all you represented
Was just my projection you see…
(You know I never thought I’d ever
live a day without you
And that’s the reason why
it makes me sad to think about you
and you know I never thought
I’d make it if you wasn’t there
And now I’m tryin’ to eject myself
from this despair)

People come
People go…
Never say I “told you so”
Honestly

Everything I know you said
Goin’ round inside my head

Never thought I’d see the day
Always got a price to pay

Nothin’ that I ever do
Ever seems to get to you”

5cphoto5cmistakes

7 Responses to “An honest mistake?”

  1. Lauren said

    I’m definitely there on the “How did I fall for that?” Even after two years, I am still asking this.

  2. Anonymous said

    I am new to your blog, but I swear it’s like reading my own life story! I wish I had more of your sense of humour about it though. Stay tough like you are and you will arise from the ashes (relatively) unscathed.

  3. A silent fan on Facebook said

    This Annie Lennox song is so brutally true. **Kudos** to you for including it on such an appropriate topic.

  4. Anonymous said

    Love your bad husband chronicles, on some instances I can really relate.

  5. Redman said

    “An Honest mistake”? Hardly. A hardheaded mistake? Probably. A foolish mistake? Absolutely! Maybe now, you have learned you should listen more closely to wise counsel and weigh the inputs more seriously. Otherwise, you may be doomed to repeat these same errors and suffer, once again, what you say you abhor.

  6. mozziestar said

    Ouch. The truth hurts, but even more so from ‘wise counsel’ such as yourself.

  7. Brutus said

    Perhaps consider the end of this refrain and the import of the path you trod:

    ROAD LESS TRAVELED

    Two roads diverged in a yellow wood
    And sorry I could not travel both
    And be one traveler, long I stood
    And looked down one as far as I could
    To where it bent in the undergrowth

    Then took the other as just as fair
    And having perhaps the better claim
    Because it was grassy and wanted wear
    Though as for that, the passing there
    Had worn them really about the same

    And both that morning equally lay
    In leaves no step had trodden black
    Oh, I kept the first for another day!
    Yet, knowing how way leads onto way
    I doubted if I should ever come back

    I shall be telling this with a sigh
    Somewhere ages and ages hence
    Two roads diverged in a wood
    And I took the one less traveled by
    And that has made all the difference

    Robert Frost

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

 
%d bloggers like this: