The “Bad Husband” Chronicles

Just another day for you and me in Paradise

Let love speak up itself

Posted by mozziestarlet on June 12, 2013

I’ve been spending a lot of time lately perusing the posts of fellow bloggers from all walks of life and all corners of the world. It amazes me how so many of us struggle with the same questions each and every day in our relationships. ‘Does he still love me? Can I ever trust him again? Will our relationship survive? What did I do for him to be unfaithful to me?’ Reading through the pages, it’s like listening to a record skip and re-play the same chorus over and over again. These days, it’s a song to which we all seem to know the lyrics by heart. Fall in love, endure subsequent betrayal and rejection, glue ourselves back together, and ultimately spend the next few years trying to figure out what the hell happened and why. What I wonder though is do we really not know the answers to these questions or is it that we’re searching for understanding in a sea of others drowning in the same murky water? Personally, I think it’s a little bit of both.

I’m certainly no expert on matters of the heart. I’m 40, with two failed marriages and a closet full of battle scars. Sure, I’ve learned a lot from my experiences. But, most of the time, I find myself looking back at my relationships and wondering what in the world I must have been thinking in the first place. How did I fail to see the signs which are so obvious to me in retrospect? How did I believe this person was right for me? Was I really that deaf, dumb and blind?

In short, yes.

The truth of the matter is that we all are. Whoever can be credited with the proverb ‘Love is blind’ is undoubtedly the most intelligent and insightful person who ever existed. The tricky thing about love is that it’s a bit of a parasite. Bear with me on this as I attempt to explain myself. When you fall for someone, that inescapable and intoxicating feeling – that flow of love adrenaline – spreads and envelops you at lightning speed. The bliss of discovery and courtship takes you to what feels like an alternate reality. The sky is bluer, the air is crisper, the world is…good. Within weeks or even days, your mind and body is hooked on the constancy of these emotions. Try as you may, you couldn’t stop it even if you wanted.

And it’s wonderful. It’s just about this most amazing feeling any human being can experience. So, it’s no wonder we embrace it the way that we do. We’ve lived in the dark for most of our lives and now find ourselves frolicking in sun-kissed bewilderment. It’s ultimately that intoxication which makes us unable to see anything short of perfection in the other person. We embrace the dream because it’s essential to our very survival. And that’s okay…as long as we accept it for what it is. No one and no relationship is ever perfect.

It is typically years later, once the infatuation has subsided and the normalcy of life prevails, that we find ourselves wondering how things could have possibly gone wrong when they were once so right. What happened to us? How could this person be capable of betraying us when this isn’t who they are?

Well, because it IS who they are. We just failed to see it. This realization doesn’t make us a bad person. Foolish? Sure. Stupid? Often. Blind? Always.

There’s no escaping the reality that love is always seen through rose-colored glasses. That’s what makes it such a beautiful thing. Enjoy it. Embrace it, by all means. It’s what makes life worth living. But be mindful that no relationship is ever perfect. No person is infallible, despite how much we once believed them to be.

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“Life is a train of moods like a string of beads, and, as we pass through them, they prove to be many-colored lenses which paint the world their own hue, and each shows only what lies in its focus.

 – Ralph Waldo Emerson

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