The “Bad Husband” Chronicles

Just another day for you and me in Paradise

Posts Tagged ‘creative writing’

Broken toes mend a broken heart

Posted by mozziestarlet on September 8, 2012

It has always amused me that the more things change, the more they stay the same. I’ve climbed the proverbial corporate ladder for nearly twenty years now and the adventure in hysteria and ultimately, amusement, continues to unfold before me with each new professional adventure. I’ve discovered that there will always be ‘characters’ in each office with their inevitable stereotypes, quirkiness, and overall clueless existence, just sitting there…waiting and needing to be written about. And that, I’m certain, is my calling.

I recently visited Denver for the first time to attend a conference sponsored by my current company. Like most conferences and trade shows, all sorts of personalities attend and put on their best ‘game face’ to meet customers, prospects and network with partners. The networking and nurturing of those partner relationships is what facilitated my attendance at the conference in the first place. You see, I am often the invisible marketing ‘Wiz’ behind the corporate curtain, crafting the brand message, and spoon-feeding the blind B2B masses much like feeding broccoli to a seven year-old. And if the truth be told, I’ve discovered that if you cover anything with enough cheese, someone will ultimately eat it. 

The majority of those in attendance were men in their 40s and 50s, sporting their receding hairlines and stuffing their beer-bellied midriffs into the required, company-branded golf shirt. To put it bluntly, these men are starved for female attention. The overwhelming majority are married with either teenage or college-bound children, and operate their personal lives with the same boring, predictable precision they present in the workplace. Unimaginative, robotic clones who somehow believe that the story of how they caught the prize-winning trout in their local fishing competition will bring women hopelessly to their knees. And it never fails that these men are utterly captivated by the bubbly and otherwise vacant blonde whose actual purpose is to flirt mindlessly with these men and somehow help assuage their own personal shortcomings. This conference was no exception to the rule and that blonde….and come on, we all know who she is at every company….was there in all her flighty magnificence. 

Ironically, despite my ability to see these women for who they actually are rather than what they pretend to be, I am inherently a nice person and get along with nearly everyone. And at my company, this blonde to which I am referring, I will hereby call The Flight Attendant. Bless her sweet soul, she is dripping in Southern accolades as well as physical beauty, and her syrupy accent is all that’s required to lure men under her spell.

After the conference closes on the last afternoon, a handful of co-workers decide to let off some steam and meet up at a local Denver bar and club for some drinks. I receive a call around 5pm in my hotel room from The Flight Attendant: “Mozzie, are you up for it? Come on and go out with us, girl!” Despite my feet aching worse than an Irish clogger, I reluctantly agree to join them. I arrive at the bar around 9pm and the festivities are well underway. The strobe light is flashing, the hip hop is blasting, and The Flight Attendant is on the dance floor, surrounded by an overwhelming group of male admirers, most still dressed to the nines in their company golf shirt. Bless their hearts.

I make my way to the bar, order a double vodka tonic and scan the room for cohorts and partners in crime. I feel the overwhelming sense of relief when I spot a great buddy of mine who is nursing his third or fourth drink, and wave him over to my direction. We chit chat, share some laughs and begin what turns out to be one of the most hilariously funny nights I’ve experienced in quite some time. Before too long, we’re throwing back shots of Grey Goose and cackling at the quasi-American Bandstand maneuvers we’re witnessing on the dance floor. The Flight Attendant is in her element…shaking her money maker and batting her eyelashes in every direction. By the end of the night, I’m fairly certain she will need not only an interpreter from her advanced state of intoxication, but also an escort to find her way back to her hotel room. Naturally, I help her back safely to the hotel, politely say good night and that I will see her the next morning around 8am.

7am arrives and I can’t pretend that it doesn’t kick my nearly 40 year-old ass. But, I shower, get my act together and head over for the last morning of the conference. It’s 8:30am and there’s no sign of The Flight Attendant. I excuse myself, step outside, and call her mobile number and then her hotel room. No answer. Yikes. 

I quickly make my way back to the hotel and begin knocking on her door. I hear groaning on the other side and then the door swings open with the naked Flight Attendant peeking around the corner. She’s hungover. She’s completely overslept and she’s limping. She wails in pain only to look down and discover bruised and bloody toes. “Mozzie, what the hell happened? OMG, my foot kills! I was dancing with some guy last night and he kept stomping on my toes. Help me…I can’t walk!” I do my best to contain the uncontrollable laughter swelling up inside me and tell her to get her act together, clean up and head over to the conference if she wants to keep her job. Tough love…sometimes, we all need it. 

Later that afternoon, we all depart for the airport, most of us on separate flights, and I don’t see The Flight Attendant until the following day at the office. She arrives, late as usual, on crutches with apparently two broken toes from her late night Denver escapade. Upon seeing her, I race for the bathroom or anywhere private because I know I am going to lose it. I laugh for at least half an hour at the sheer comic gold that is unfolding before me. Like I’ve said many times before, often real life is funnier and more entertaining than fiction.

Several days pass and The Flight Attendant receives flowers in the office from the Toe Stomper. She is touched and agrees to a dinner date with him. I can’t help but chuckle at the irony of the entire situation. Later, she sends me a text on my mobile: “Mozzie, you won’t believe how nice of a guy he is! After my divorce, I was convinced there were no nice guys left out there for me. I really like him and think he might be the one.”

So there you have it, my friends. A possible answer to the age-old question: How do you mend a broken heart? Answer: Go dancing and have someone break your toes. You might just fall in love.

Advertisements

Posted in "Bad Husband" Chronicles | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments »

Doing the unstuck

Posted by mozziestarlet on September 7, 2012

Nearly three years to the day have passed since I’ve written on this blog. At least once or twice a month, I’ve contemplated rekindling my love affair with it, reshaping my purpose, further defining my goals and dreams, yet something has stood in my way. Something intangible, something oppressive, and ultimately something stifling the creativity that has always been the most defining aspect of who I am. And even though I’ve spent much time attempting to discern what this ‘something’ is, I still haven’t exactly put my finger on it. So, here I am – rediscovering the familiar sense of surreal comfort that these pages once afforded me during one of the most difficult times of my life. It is that comfort, that unbridled creativity, that burning feeling of self-discovery that I find myself seeking again in my life. At nearly 40, there are still so many questions that remain unanswered.

I realize this entry after three years of absence is abrupt, vague and yet to be defined, but I’m okay with that. I know that like before, the journey I began within these pages took me places that I never dreamed existed within my own personality and understanding. It is that type of journey into self-discovery that has brought me here again. I am certain of that.

What is completely astounding to me is that this blog continues to receive substantial traffic to this day without a letter being added to its pages since the Fall of 2009. Why that is I cannot begin to fully comprehend, but it does evoke certain humility and gratitude on my part to those invisible souls who visit here, either by purposeful intent or simply chance, perhaps seeking to find answers or understanding for the challenges they face in their lives and personal relationships.

So readers, here I am….your ever-shining Mozzie Starlet. And as Morrissey says, “I just want to say I haven’t been away. I’m still right here, where I always was.”

Twinkle Twinkle,

Mozziestarlet

   “All men should strive to learn before they die what they are running from, and to, and why.”  ~ James Thurber

Posted in "Bad Husband" Chronicles | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments »

The year 2012….has it changed anyone here?

Posted by mozziestarlet on September 6, 2012

Image

Stay tuned.

Posted in "Bad Husband" Chronicles | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

“To write is to sit in judgment on oneself”

Posted by mozziestarlet on May 26, 2009

Self_reflection_pic

As much as I’d love to be able to take credit for that statement, I hardly can.  Henrik Ibsen, a remarkable 19th century Norwegian poet and playwright, penned that statement even before the turn of the 20th century.  I can remember first reading that when I was about fifteen years-old, and feeling the complete brilliance and truth of it sitting squarely on my shoulders.  You see…for a writer, there couldn’t possibly be any statement more at the heart of the matter.  Not to sound exclusive, but it’s a difficult thing to explain to someone outside of this reality; to someone who hasn’t spent the majority of their life trying to make sense of their existence year after year, through each stroke of their pen.  The funny thing about being a writer is that it’s very much a feast or famine talent.  You may go through periods in your life where the words seem to leap from you faster than you are able to write or type them.  And other times, you lull through months or even longer where you simply cannot find the words, no matter how desperately you need to.

Certainly, I cannot speak for every writer on this planet.  But, in my thirty-six years on this earth, this is exactly how it has been and continues to be for me.  I’ve often found myself wondering why this is…why are there times and periods in my life where I cannot stop writing and others when the pen sits frozen in my hand?  Is it a type of possession that temporarily takes hold of you until you’ve said all you feel you can say on the subject?  Or, is it a God-given gift that like any type of talent should be nurtured and fertilized each and every day in order for it to continue to grow and flourish? 

I really couldn’t say one way or the other, and I hardly have a definitive answer on the subject.  However, there is one thing that I know for certain; one thing that I hold dear and true.  Henrik Ibsen was right.  “To write is to sit in judgment on oneself.”  And perhaps, it is this self-scrutiny, and this personal dissection, that makes our writing ebb and flow.  At times, this self-reflection is a necessary evil for our own understanding and personal growth.  And at other times, the cruelty of sitting beneath a microscope of self-analysis is simply more than a person can withstand. 

I don’t think the admission of this duality makes me less of a writer, really.  I think it’s what makes me a human being.

 

“If I’m trying to sleep, the ideas won’t stop. If I’m trying to write, there appears a barren nothingness.”
~ Carrie Latet

“Writing is utter solitude, the descent into the cold abyss of oneself.”
~ Franz Kafka

“You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you.”
~ Ray Bradbury

Posted in "Bad Husband" Chronicles | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

How long does a tear take to dry?

Posted by mozziestarlet on January 13, 2009

Despite being busy and preoccupied with my new job, I spend so much of my time internalizing and contemplating my personal situation.  I think about my bad husband, the heartbreak of divorce, and the task of starting my life over again on my own.  If I am truly honest with myself, I’ve been alone even in my marriages.  I enjoyed several blissful years with Husband #1 before he became a slave to his pocket compass and travelled the road of infidelity.  So, I know the beauty of a truly fruitful relationship, even though the memory has become faded over the years and through the natural progression of time.  Do you ever find yourself wondering why some people ‘get lucky’ and find their ideal match in life while others fall into peril?  I in no way mean to appear flippant as if I do not take any responsibility for my poor decisions, but I can’t help but ponder how there appears to be no rhyme or reason to it.  I’ve known others, like myself, who carefully dated their spouse for years before taking the walk down the plank, only to discover an intricate web of deception once they were married.  Then, on the other hand, there are those who are swept into a whirlwind romance of only a few months before marriage and are STILL happily married many years later.  This just proves to me that there is truly no magic formula involved.

Despite the hardship the husband has caused me over the years, I do care for him and wish for his happiness.  As I’ve mentioned before, he still doesn’t ‘get it’ and grieves over the loss of me and our marriage.  He emails or texts me lamenting messages of how he is miserable without me and general tales of ‘Oh Woe is me’ on a daily basis.  How do you deal with a situation like this?  It seems responding to his repeated cries only makes things worse and perhaps the best route is avoidance.  I am not the one who can ease his pain and comfort him.  That can only be something that he must learn to find within himself.

It reminds me of one of my favorite scenes from the movie ‘The Way We Were.’  Katie, a headstrong and opinionated gal, has lost her true love, Hubbel, and he moves out to stay with a friend.  He’s gone for only a few hours and she picks up the phone, out of sheer torture and habit, and pleads for him to come home and stay with her until she can fall asleep.  She says, “You see, Hubbel.  You are my best friend and I need to talk to my best friend about someone we both know.  So, will you, Hubbel?  Will you come and see me through tonight?  I promise I won’t touch you or beg you or embarrass you.  So Hubbel, could you come over right away?  Please…please?”  This scene has always touched me, but I truly understand the meaning of it now in my own life.  As Morrissey says, “I’ve seen this happen in other peoples’ lives, but now it’s happening in mine.”

So, how long does a tear take to dry?  I think, for some, it takes an eternity.

 

Below is the movie clip referenced above.  Enjoy.

Posted in "Bad Husband" Chronicles | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments »

Take a bite out of The Big Apple

Posted by mozziestarlet on January 12, 2009

Well, today was the first day of ‘official’ business for me in The Big Apple.  So, I put on my game face this morning as I am here representing my company at a large tradeshow.  I am by far in the minority here on two levels: 1.)  80% of the attendees are male and 2.) .001% are from the South!  Nevertheless, I am managing to hold my own, keep my head up high and shine my hospitable nature to everyone.  In case you’re just tuning in, I am a hardcore supporter of ‘The Golden Rule.’  And no, not the one that says, “he who has the gold makes the rules,” but rather, “Always treat others how you want to be treated.”  Trust me folks, you can never go wrong with this approach.  Like frowning, it takes much more energy to be negative or rude to someone than to be kind to them.  Both of you feel better in the long run and you’re much more likely to make a lasting impression on someone by practicing this approach.  If you don’t believe me, give it a try.  It will put an immediate pep in your step, pinky swear.

Of course, being a young woman traveling alone always causes the parental units to shift into code orange on the worry and concern scale.  Even though I’ve been doing this for years now, my sweet yet sheltered Mom is constantly thinking that I’m either going to be abducted by a cab driver or will get lost and not be able to find my way back to my hotel.  Seriously, am I the only one who sees the humor in this?  You would think I am a 12 year-old who got lost from their parents in a store or kidnapped at the bus stop!  Ma, if you are reading…relax.  Nothing is going to happen to me.  And if a sketchy situation presents itself, remember that I am a trained master in all of Mr. Miyagi’s best karate moves from watching ‘The Karate Kid’ so many times.  If danger approaches….HIII-YAAA!!!  That will teach ’em to mess with Mozziestar!  🙂

As far as the husband goes, he still in clueless land of trying to figure out why we are getting divorced.  Even though I have explained it to him countless times, it’s a bit like talking to a brick wall.  You talk and talk, but nothing gets through.  So, I stopped trying to explain in futility and hope that eventually, down the road, he will realize why our marriage failed.  If not, he will spend the rest of his life wondering what went wrong and how he played the starring role in it.  I do hope for his sake that this isn’t the case for him, but knowing his clueless and eternally blameless nature, I doubt he will ever figure it out.  

So friends, thank you sincerely for your continued support, faithful readership, and thoughtful comments and emails.  It means more to me than I could possibly express in words.  For me, inspiration is a two-way street.  I hope to inspire each of you to live your life to the fullest, but in the process, you inspire me as well.  Stay golden and keep shining. 

Mozziestar

apple460

Posted in "Bad Husband" Chronicles | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments »

Bright lights, Big city

Posted by mozziestarlet on January 12, 2009

Well friends, this Southern Belle is currently in New York City on her first business trip with the new rockstar job.  I’ve been to NY many times before, but for some unknown reason, I am enjoying this trip so much more than usual.  I had a hilarious co-worker with me the past few days who really showed me a good time and unbelievably, is a Morrissey fan as well.  ‘Thanks, Big JC.  I owe you one for that.’  He departed this morning, so now I’m on my own.  It’s so ironic to me that there are so many European tourists here with what I consider to be much more interesting accents than mine, but my Southern accent appears to be the fascination of everyone around.  I’m guessing they must get a lot of foreign travelers here, but maybe not too many from the heart of the South or those who know about the Mason-Dixon line.  Either way, it has been fairly entertaining to the locals to listen to me talk.  Go figure.

Yesterday, I met a fantastic guy from outside of London who is also here on business.  When I first heard him speak, naturally I asked him if he was from Alabama.  It took a moment for my corny sense of humor to register with him, but once it did, we struck up a terrific conversation.  And yes, I know what your next question is…did I mention that I am a huge Morrissey fan?  WELL, YAH!  He was too cute and said, “Wow, I’ve never met an American Morrissey fan, much less one with your accent!”  I chose to take that as a compliment and hopefully, he didn’t immediately phone home and tell his family what a nutty berry he met in NY.  It certainly wouldn’t be the first time!

What really strikes me about this city is the hustle and bustle that seems to come so easily to everyone here.  Being from the South, I was born and bred on Southern hospitality, waving and saying hello to everyone I pass.  Well, after several of times of doing this out of pure habit, I started to notice all the strange looks I was receiving from my friendly actions.  The people seem stunned, almost put off, that I am speaking to them for no apparent reason other than being friendly.  Do they think I am a crack dealer or just escaped from the local mental institution?  Either way, I am who I am and I firmly believe in always being friendly and hospitable to people I meet.  No doubt, I would never survive living in a city like this, nor would I want to.  It’s just not this gal’s style.

So, I’m enjoying myself and trying to stay below the radar and not attract too much attention to myself.  And to add insult to injury, NONE of the women here look anything like me or my physical features.  I’ve noticed most of them are dark haired and skinned, and a bit weathered around the edges.  No offense ladies, but just say ‘yes’ to proper skin care!  😉

asouthernbel

Posted in "Bad Husband" Chronicles | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

New York, New York

Posted by mozziestarlet on January 11, 2009

Hi friends,

I am currently in New York and have not had a chance to update the blog in a few days.  I will be back later for today’s entry.

Keep shining,

Mozziestar   🙂

p141986-new_york-times_square

Posted in "Bad Husband" Chronicles | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Happy New Year?

Posted by mozziestarlet on January 5, 2009

While I was awaiting my turn in the nail salon this afternoon, I started to space out and think about how it’s 2009 and another year has come and gone before my eyes.  I began to recollect the day when I was 22 that my parental units told me how life would really start to fly for me now.  They explained how once you graduate from college, get married and settle down, secure your first professional job, etc., everything begins to zoom past you at lightening speed.  I remember shrugging at this notion, feeling invincible and forever young at 22.  Now, nearly 36, I completely understand what they meant by this.  I mean, wasn’t it just yesterday that we had this conversation?  Wasn’t it just last week that I graduated from college, degree in hand, ready to put that first foot out in front of me?  Where in the world has all the time gone and what do I have to show for it? 

Being pegged quite frequently as the eternal pessimist, naturally asking these sorts of questions usually lands me in a depressive stupor.  So, I choose to take an objective look in retrospect.  Yes, professionally I have done very well for myself in the past decade, despite the whirlwind storms of layoffs and rehires.  I’ve climbed the corporate ladder, one painful step at a time, and finally it seems, have a real opportunity with a dynamic and stable company.  I can only be thankful and grateful for that.  Personally, however, I’ve managed to do a bang-up job at marrying the wrong person (twice) and making a royal mess of things.  As Morrissey says, “It’s my life to wreck my own way.”  

When I look back on my relationships, yes, there were signs and things I did notice before saying ‘I do,’ but I chose to overlook them, even if it was often done on a subconscious level.  I thought that love could conquer all and that if I worked hard enough at the relationships, they would survive and endure.  After years of living this way, I finally owned up to the fact that it takes two to tango.  If you both aren’t equally committed to making one another happy, you will spin your wheels until there simply isn’t any steam left in your little engine.  I certainly have.

So, what now?  Well, I choose to close the chapter of 2008, and for once in my life, look forward to the new chapter ahead:  the chapter of 2009 and new beginnings.  A chapter where I will learn to stand on my own again, let go of the hurt and blame for my own and others’ failures, learn from my mistakes and endeavor not to repeat them, strive to be a better judge of character, and hope to always be a better friend and person.  But, most of all, to learn to forgive and forget.  I truly believe that it isn’t until we let go of the past that we can begin to embrace our future.

Happy New Year, friends.

Keep shining,  🙂

Mozziestar

11

Posted in "Bad Husband" Chronicles | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Mozziestar Flashback Entry, Year: 2003

Posted by mozziestarlet on December 29, 2008

The year was 2003 and it was two years before the husband and I took the proverbial ‘walk down the plank’ and became an official Mister and Missus.  At that time, the husband was living in a two bedroom apartment with his eldest son, and after giving it a whole two minutes of heavy consideration, the husband decided to adopt a dog in hopes to add a little joy and companionship to his routine.  Knowing that I had a sweet little dog who I carefully trained to not only be loyal, but incredibly affectionate, the husband enlisted my assistance in selecting the best canine candidate from the Humane Society to add to his household.  The trip to the Humane Society was a gutting one; cage after cage of precious little dogs who all want you to take them home with you and shower them with love.  I have to tell you that I think it’s wonderful when people choose to adopt or rescue an animal who would otherwise be facing certain euthanasia, but having to see this reality firsthand was not an easy thing for me.

So, we are at the Humane Society and I point out several medium-sized dogs that seem to have good temperments and no behaviorial issues.  Given that the husband is always correct and completely unflawed in his thinking, he argues that a large dog is best for him since that is what he ‘grew up with.’  Naturally, living in a two bedroom apartment with no backyard is a great living environment for a large dog that requires substantial exercise daily.  After no deliberation, the husband selects a lab mixed breed who is still just a puppy.  I take a look at the large size of the puppy’s paws and tell the husband, “You know, you might want to reconsider about getting a smaller dog.  This dog is going to be a giant and is still growing.  Not to mention, puppies require substantial training, discipline and attention.  They are full of energy and are a lot like babies in the beginning.”  The husband confidently replies, “Oh, I know plenty about dogs.  This one will do just fine.”

Knowing that the husband is as stubborn as a mule, I decide to give his dog selecting abilities the benefit of the doubt and keep my opinions to myself.  The husband then completes the necessary paperwork, puts the puppy in the car, and we head back to his apartment.  When we first arrive, the puppy is so excited by his new home; jumping, frolicking and sniffing every nook and cranny.  After giving the place a thorough look, the puppy then becomes interested in everything else that is cluttering the husband’s floor.  After only ten minutes in his new home, the puppy reveals that he is going to be quite a handful in terms of keeping him out of trouble.  I recommend to the husband that he purchase the puppy some appropriate chew toys and dog bed or crate so that the puppy can familiarize himself with his area and what is acceptable for him to play with in the house.  The husband responds, “Nah, I never bought my dogs toys before.  He’ll be fine without them.”  With this, I say goodnight to the husband and his new puppy before making my way back home.

The next day is a work day and I am scheduled to see the husband that evening directly after work.  So, I manage through an otherwise uneventful day at the office before signing off to head over to the husband’s place after work.  On my way there, I get a call from the husband on my cell.  He says, “You aren’t going to believe this, but I think I’ve been robbed!  I just got home and my place is completely destroyed!  I better go so I can call the police and report this.  I will see you in a little bit, ok?”  Naturally, I’m concerned and horrified for the husband and continue on my way over to his place.  After several mintues pass, the police arrive and the husband phones me to tell me he has not been robbed after all.  I’m confused by this and ask him, “Why?  What happened to make you feel otherwise?”  He responds, “Well, I noticed the dog is kinda hiding from me and has dirt on his face.  One of my plants has been knocked over in the living room.  You see, I wasn’t robbed.  It was just that damn dog that destroyed my apartment!  I’m gonna kill him!!!”

bad-dog

Posted in "Bad Husband" Chronicles | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

I was looking for a job and then I GOT THE JOB!!

Posted by mozziestarlet on December 23, 2008

Quick update:  I received and accepted a job offer for the rockstar job this afternoon and am excited beyond belief!  🙂

I will be back later for your regularly scheduled blog entry.

2006_job_tuesday

Posted in "Bad Husband" Chronicles | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Frolicking puppy

Posted by mozziestarlet on December 22, 2008

I just received this adorable link and had to share it with everyone.  There is nothing that touches me more than the innocent and loving spirit of animals and children.  Enjoy!


Posted in "Bad Husband" Chronicles | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

The lights are on, but no one’s home

Posted by mozziestarlet on December 22, 2008

Firstly, let me apologize for the delay between Thursday’s blog entry and today’s.  I realize that I left so many of you hanging and I was stunned by the number of email inquiries jamming my inbox once I returned online.  To answer your burning questions…yes, I am still alive and kicking and yes, I had the third interview for the rockstar job opportunity on Friday.

To preface, I am a seasoned professional when it comes to being laid off in the corporate arena and then forced into the hell phase of endless interviewing for a new job.  Given this fact, I’ve become a bit convoluted in my judgment when it boils down to whether or not I feel I’ve got a job in the bag once I’ve completed the final interview process.  I’ve left many interviews with the gut feeling that I would receive an employment offer because of positive comments the potential employer made to me during the interview.  I would wait with baited breath for the offer to come and for some unknown reason, it never would.  So, I eventually got to the point where I stopped trying to ‘guesstimate’ whether or not I felt I would get the job.   I know this may seem like a negative way to think, but I’ve found that if you don’t expect anything, you’re not as deeply disappointed if it doesn’t pan out for you.  Nevertheless, my point in all of this is to say that the final interview went fantastic and I’m very hopeful that an offer will be made before the holiday break.  Do I expect one?  Yes and no.  Yes, because there is absolutely NO reason why they shouldn’t pick me for this position given how tailored my experience fits the niche they require.  And no, because of the expectation bit that I just explained in the prior sentences.  But, let’s just say that I hope to be pleasantly surprised for a change.

Since I’ve been temporarily taking refuge at the home of my parental units, I’ve purposely tried to distance myself from the husband so that he can familarize himself with the idea of not having me around.  I know that getting used to not having your spouse there is not entirely possible when you’ve spent years with them as the center of your universe.  When that center falls out, it completely disorients your entire reality.  Having been the one who was abandoned in my first marriage, I thought about why distancing myself from the husband is ultimately the best course of action for us both as we are going through this process.  When I reflect on my first marriage, I recall all too well what it felt like when my ex-husband told me he didn’t want to be married to me anymore, yet still hung around the house as if the declaration of his intent to bail shouldn’t affect my daily living pattern.  How can anybody think this way?!  This is the epitome of being a self-centered bastard who is thinking only of himself and his own comfort.  Telling your spouse that you desire to end your marriage, but staying in your residence with them during the process is the proverbial cherry on top of the cruel and unusual punishment cake.  If you have any love or compassion for your spouse and desire to inflict the least amount of collateral damage possible, then living in separate residences while you are getting divorced should be the only option.  It is the fastest route to self-reliance for both of you.

The ironic part about me purposely distancing myself from the husband is that he actually thinks that I’m being selfish by not calling him and keeping him company in his lonely state.  I mean, “I obviously don’t care (and have never cared)  about him if I am able to be remove myself so easily from our marriage.”  And yes, that’s a direct quote from the husband’s mouth.  He actually is dense enough to think that I’m allowing him to live in my home with my dog while I live with my parents because I “don’t care about him.”  After all, doesn’t everyone want to live with their parents when they are in their mid-30s and they’ve been independent for years?! 

So, when the husband makes these and other ridiculous and unfounded comments, I choose the path of least resistance and ignore them rather than respond to them.  When push comes to shove, what good comes from banging your head against a brick wall that can’t comprehend any measure of reasoning?  And this, in a nutshell, is the husband.  Yes, the lights are on, but no one’s home.

2

Posted in "Bad Husband" Chronicles | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

Be hopeful

Posted by mozziestarlet on December 18, 2008

Well, this has been a hectic week to say the very least.  When I woke on Monday, I had a horrible sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach knowing everything that is facing me presently.  When I actually allow myself to think about it longer than say thirty seconds, I find myself swimming in an ocean of despair.  So, I always try to put my  ‘happy happy, joy joy’ hat on and face the world  with the hope and mission of tackling my adversities.

I met with my attorney this week to sign the dreaded ‘D’ papers, and despite the fact that I know I am making the right decision for my long-term happiness, it is still a gut-wrenching process.  It doesn’t matter what circumstances led you to this precipice or how horrible your situation has become.  When you are sitting there, staring at the finality of your broken dream in black and white, it knocks the breath out of you.  You begin to reflect on the good times the two of you once shared, how you fell in love with your spouse, and the plethora of promises you made to one another when it seemed like you would conquer the world together.  I will always cherish these memories and despite my heartache from another failed marriage, I will hold on to the good times we shared.  This is the only way to move forward without becoming a victim to raging hostility and dislike of the other person.  Hating and blaming your spouse may seem easier for you to progress, but ultimately, the person who suffers the most from harboring this resentment is you.

To get back to my story, my week was off to a rocky start and I was certain that things could not get any worse than they currently are.  I found myself falling into the habit of holding a pity party for one, until I realized that absolutely nothing positive could arise from thinking and feeling this way.  I do have much to be thankful for and those are the things I should embrace now.  My wonderful and completely selfless family, my cherished inner circle of friends, and last but never least, my adorable snaggled-tooth puppy of 11 years.  Once I began to channel my negative energy into the positive aspects of my life, I received a call for a second interview for the most rockstar job I could ever dream of.  The company is fantastic, stable and profitable.  The job itself is an eerie match to my talents and 14 years’ experience in the industry.  When I went back to meet the rest of the team that I would be working with, I felt an instant rapport with them.  Not only were they incredibly bright and intelligent, but they each had such a great sense of humor.  Let me just say this…a sense of humor should be a requirement for the field in which I have worked all of these years.  It’s a high stress, demanding, visible position where you are held to a higher standard than most of your peers.  Without getting into too much detail, let’s just say that it’s a fairly niche type of position.  Not many people fit this role or have the patience (or talent) to truly do well.  Ironically, I fit this niche which has always made me more marketable in the job arena than many others with a more generalized background.  However, on the flip side of the coin, these type of positions are few and far between so it’s entirely up to you to sell yourself, your talents, your merits, and most of all, why they should select you above all other candidates.

So, I went into this second interview and did just that.  I didn’t hold back or allow myself to be too intimidated not to ‘toot my own horn.’  And the interview went off better than I could have expected.  When I put that first foot on the floor this morning, I felt hope swelling inside of me.  Hope that this fantastic opportunity will pan out for me, hope that I can conquer a new life on my own, hope that I can be around others who appreciate me for who I am rather than who they think I ought to be and hope for a more promising tomorrow.  After coffee this morning and a few nibbles to settle my growling stomach, I received a call from this company to return tomorrow for a final, third interview to meet the CEO and partners.  Naturally, I am thrilled beyond measure.

What is the moral of Mozzie’s story?  Hope is a good thing, perhaps the best of things…and a good thing never dies.

hope

Posted in "Bad Husband" Chronicles | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments »

Loved and lost

Posted by mozziestarlet on December 16, 2008

I’ve been thinking deeply these last few months about the old proverb, “It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”  I have to be honest and tell you that I really struggle with this notion.  When I look back over my life, I can say whole-heartedly…Yes, I have loved much and loved completely.  I have felt the joy that only arises from true love, the anticipation of spending every waking moment with that other person, and ultimately, the abject bliss of sharing the promise of spending the rest of your lives together.  However, having been through marriage twice now (I am so thrilled to admit), I honestly feel that marriage in and of itself is just that:  a promise.  It is a promise that you will love the other person utterly and completely with everything you are, respect them even when they aren’t at the top of your ‘likeable’ list, take care of them when they are sick and unable to care for themselves, and help shoulder the burden when your family of two falls on difficult times.  Above all, it is a promise of partnership; a vow that you will always contribute everything you can to the other person, your life together, and to your future.

My point with this elementary explanation is that if I am totally honest with myself, I’ve never experienced marriage as it should be.  In both instances, I gave more than I received, loved more than I was loved, and held on to that promise with more zeal and respect than the other partner involved.  So, by the most basic definition, I have loved and lost.  Many people I know often comment that I’m just ‘jaded’ by my experiences and that it isn’t like this for everyone.  Believe me, I know it isn’t.  I have family members who have sustained happy and fulfilling marriages longer than I have been on this earth.  Is there some great secret that they are aware of that I was never told?  Are they that much better judges of character than I am when it comes to choosing their life partner?  Or, did they just get ‘lucky?’  I think it’s probably a combination of these things and quite frankly, the idea of marriage for my generation is much different that it is/was for the generations before me.  Marriage wasn’t viewed as a potentially temporary situation where one party could bail if they got bored with the other person, thought they could get a younger and hipper model, or just simply got tired of being around them.  They realized that they were making a lifetime commitment to the other person and it was the most sacred covenant they could possibly ever make, perhaps other than parenthood.  But today, in our easy-come easy-go society, people are disposable and promises are made simply to be broken.  Nothing guts me more than this behavior.

I know many of you are thinking, “Wait a second, Mozzie, isn’t that what you are doing by divorcing your husband?  Aren’t you breaking your promise to him?”  I suppose on the surface, yes, I am.  But, it is so much deeper and more involved than that.  When I look back on my marriages, it wasn’t me who broke the promises.  It wasn’t me that vowed to be one way when we said “I do,” but ended up acting and living a life contrary to that.  I was the one who gave everything and sacrificed all that I was.  I was the one who fought tooth and nail to make the marriages work and for the other person to see what needed to be rectified in the relationship in order to have a happy life together.  I did all the praying, made all the counseling appointments, initiated all the talks, and pleaded for understanding from the other person.  And in both marriages, nothing was gained from my efforts but loss and heartbreak.  In both instances, I loved completely, and ultimately, lost everything.

So, is it better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?  I really can’t say at this point in my life.  Perhaps in ten years, I will feel differently and be able to answer unequivocally ‘yes.’  But right now, with so much loss consuming me, I simply don’t feel that it is.  Jaded?  Maybe.  Or maybe I just allowed myself to fall so deeply that I wasn’t able to see the whites of their lies.

And today, only one song will do…

Posted in "Bad Husband" Chronicles | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments »

A ‘need to know’ basis

Posted by mozziestarlet on December 15, 2008

I spent the weekend with a  dear friend whose sense of humor and genuine support is a welcomed distraction from my current reality.  Perhaps what I like most about this friend is that they don’t bombard me with a littany of questions about my situation with the husband.  Yes, they are naturally concerned for my well-being, however, they almost seem to ‘know’ that I’m just not equipped to answer certain questions right now.  Does this make any sense?  Probably not, however, I will do my best to explain.

You see, being a private person, my innate instinct  is to keep my personal business to myself.  Even among my closest loved ones, I prefer to share what is necessary and keep the details to myself.  First and foremost, it’s really not anyone else’s business to know the intricasies of my life, daily routine and personal situation.  I’ve found that the more you ‘invite’ others into this space, the more crowded your reality becomes…eventually, too close for even your own comfort.  So, I share what I must to reassure my friends and loved ones that I am ‘okay’ and they need not worry about me 24/7.  I got myself into this situation and yes, I am working towards finding my way out.  I often find myself wondering why those closest to you feel the need to ask every little emerging question about your situation.  ‘What are you going to do?  Why can’t you kick him out?  When is he going to leave and why don’t you make him? What does he say to you when you talk?  Why did you marry him anyways? (Sheesh!)”…etc etc.  I do understand that these are reasonable questions, but why do others expect what they feel is an acceptable answer to these questions when I am unable and unwilling to address them?  How do they feel this scrutiny is helpful even in the slightest regard?

I suppose my point with all of this is that sometimes the greatest gift I can give a friend or a loved one is simply listening and being supportive.  This entails hearing what they have to say without opinion or judgment, and easing their mind by reminding them that they can still laugh without being overwhelmed by their current situation.  People have no idea what a gift this is to another soul who is struggling with divorce, death, or even life in general.  If a friend is troubled and seeks your advice or opinion, they will ask you for it.  Don’t assume that you have free liscense to inquire about the ins and outs of their personal situation or tragedy.  Trust me, your friend is having a difficult enough time navigating these waters on his own, searching for answers and understanding that often takes months and years to emerge.

So, for this particular friend to whom I am referring:  Thank you for being exactly what I need right now.  Thank you for listening without constant commentary.  Thank you for reminding me to laugh when I feel it’s impossible.  Thank you for expecting nothing more but what I am able to give.  Thank you for seeing me for who I am and not who you feel I ought to be.  And most of all, thank you for being my friend.

privacy

Posted in "Bad Husband" Chronicles | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

There speaks a true friend

Posted by mozziestarlet on November 30, 2008

Right, so I was having a conversation last night with a friend who informed me that men and women inherently can’t ‘just be friends.’  He was alluding to the idea that encapsulated the movie, ‘When Harry Met Sally,’ and that every man wants to be intimate with a woman he finds attractive.  Below is a snippet of that conversation from the movie… 

 

Harry Burns: “You realize of course that we could never be friends.
Sally Albright: Why not?
Harry Burns: What I’m saying is – and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form – is that men and women can’t be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally Albright: That’s not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry Burns: No you don’t.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: No you don’t.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: You only think you do.
Sally Albright: You say I’m having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry Burns: No, what I’m saying is they all WANT to have sex with you.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: How do you know?
Harry Burns: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally Albright: So, you’re saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Harry Burns: No. You pretty much want to nail ’em too.
Sally Albright: What if THEY don’t want to have sex with YOU?
Harry Burns: Doesn’t matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.
Sally Albright: Well, I guess we’re not going to be friends then.
Harry Burns: I guess not.
Sally Albright: That’s too bad. You were the only person I knew in New York.”

 

 

So, it really got my mind reeling at this notion, mainly because I’ve typically had more male friends than female in my life, and I haven’t had sex with any of them.  What I’m wondering is:  Am I an exception to the rule?  Do members of the opposite sex befriend you with the subconscious agenda that they will eventually be intimate with you?  I can’t help but beg to differ here. 

 

My BFF of over 11 years now is male and we’ve never been even remotely romantic with one another.  I know what you’re thinking: “Is he ugly?  Are you?”  I can say that he’s absolutely adorable and very easy on the eyes.  As far as I’m concerned, I’ve been told I’m ‘pretty’ many times, so I’m willing to give that assessment the benefit of the doubt.  So, why haven’t we been romantically involved?  I think it’s a fairly simple answer.  We both value our friendship above anything else and hold it in very high esteem.  I can’t help but quote Morrissey here, “Is it really so strange?”

 

What I find particularly amusing about this scenario is how much this frustrates other women.  If I am friends with ‘their man,’ they automatically assume that I have romantic intentions towards him and want him for my own.  The female can even be sitting with us as we talk and hear our conversation, and yet, she is still inclined to be jealous of me.  Why is this?  What in the world is there to be jealous of in having or discovering a new friend?  Should it matter whether they have male or female private parts in order to establish a connection with them?  I really do wish I could answer this question, as it always seems to be a reoccurring issue for me.

 

Perhaps I’m too rudimentary in my thinking.  I subscribe to the basic notion that Thoreau wrote of in the late 1800s.  He said, “A friend is a person before whom I may think aloud.”  That’s the beautiful and simple truth in my mind.  Friendship is entirely different than romantic attachment.  I can only hope that others might eventually feel this way and shelve their feelings of jealousy, skepticism and insecurity.  Lighten up…take a chill pill…It’s all good!  How could it be anything but that?

 

“The Dummy” by Michael Mack

In that forgotten part of town
Where wasted hopes and dreams abound,
A wrinkled man with life near end,
In hopes to have at least one friend,
Fashioned bits of wood and things
And made a dummy run by strings.

He sat alone for hours on end,
Conversing with his only friend
And found delight within the fact
That he controlled it’s every act.
He told it how he never had
A chance, since all his luck was bad
Although he’d tried so to succeed –
The dummy nodded and agreed.
And how his journeys in romance
Had never given him a chance,
And wasn’t it a crying shame
That he was always held to blame
When everyone knew, oh so well,
That life is but a living Hell,
Controlled by lust and power and greed?
The dummy nodded and agreed.
With patience that would rival saints,
That dummy sat through all complaints
And, with each little expert tug,
He’d droop his head or bow or shrug
And give some comfort to the man
Who held his lifelines in his hand
And helped to fill a lonely need
When he just nodded and agreed.
Senility increased with time
As did the old man’s phantomime,
And feverish fingers pulled with glee
The dummy’s dance of misery.
They never left each other’s side
Until the day both stopped and died.
We found them lying, hand in hand,
The dummy – and his wooden friend.

friendship_is_light

Posted in "Bad Husband" Chronicles, Bad boss, Bad Husband, bad marriage, bad spouse, children, co-workers, Comic Wit, creative writing, death, Difficult Spouse, Divorce, Dogs, family, friendship, Funny, Humor, Irony, kindness, laughter, Life, loss of parent, loss of spouse, Love, Marriage, marriage problems, Morrissey, Office drama, office humor, office politics, Pets, poetry, relationships, sarcasm, Spouse, wives | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments »

Search Engine Optimization? mmmkay.

Posted by mozziestarlet on November 29, 2008

As the creator and administrator of this blog, I am able to view the ‘search terms’ that lead people to my site.  I know I shouldn’t laugh, but I can’t help myself.  And people say I’m the ‘crazy’ one, huh?  At least I know I’m not alone! 

“And if I seem a little strange, well that’s because I am.”  (Morrissey)

 

Top Search Engine Terms for The “Bad Husband” Chronicles:

 

Bad Husband Chronicles

I have been a bad husband

Magic potion for bad husband

Being so far from your friends, and you’re all alone

Poems about husband’s boss

How to make an Alabama Slammer

Burn down office without getting caught

TGIF quotes

Hilarious email

Alcoholic husband has a bad odor

My husband and his co-worker are too close

Don’t forget the lyrics

My dog eats poop

I want a magic carpet

Go sell crazy somewhere else

How to make someone realize that her husband is an ass

Slipping husband Xanax

Bad marriage

How do I make my marriage right after years of it being wrong?

Electric blanket and diarrhea

 

crazy-doesn-t-cover-it-posters

Posted in "Bad Husband" Chronicles, Bad boss, Bad Husband, bad marriage, bad spouse, children, co-workers, Comic Wit, creative writing, death, Difficult Spouse, Divorce, Dogs, family, friendship, Funny, Humor, Irony, kindness, laughter, Life, loss of parent, loss of spouse, Love, Marriage, marriage problems, Morrissey, Office drama, office humor, office politics, Pets, poetry, relationships, sarcasm, Spouse, wives | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Mozziestar Flashback Entry: Senior year of high school, 1991

Posted by mozziestarlet on November 29, 2008

senior-notebook

I found this relic in my English notebook from high school.  I don’t know why, but I find it so amusing.  The irony is that I am still the same girl, just older and hopefully, wiser now.  Enjoy…

 

5-21-91: “Assignment: What are some thorns in your side?”

Well, this should be an interesting assignment given that I’ve always considered myself to be ‘the girl with a thorn in her side.’  Here are just a few of the things that come to mind that truly bug me:

1. People

2. Myself

3. Noise

4. Dishonesty

5. Cruelty

6. Stupidity

7. No milk for breakfast

8. Sunshine in my bedroom at 7am on Saturday AND Sunday mornings

9. Betrayal

10. Accounting class

11. Country music

12. Obscenity

13. Rudeness

14. No clean underwear

15. Alarm clocks

16. Humid days

17. School

18. Life

19. Death

20. Women (come on, tell me I’m wrong!)

21. The forever ‘missing’ other sock

22. Toxic waste

23. Not enough time or paper to finish this list

Posted in "Bad Husband" Chronicles, Bad boss, Bad Husband, bad marriage, bad spouse, children, co-workers, Comic Wit, creative writing, death, Difficult Spouse, Divorce, Dogs, family, friendship, Funny, Humor, Irony, kindness, laughter, Life, loss of parent, loss of spouse, Love, Marriage, marriage problems, Morrissey, Office drama, office humor, office politics, Pets, poetry, relationships, sarcasm, Spouse, wives | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »