The “Bad Husband” Chronicles

Just another day for you and me in Paradise

Posts Tagged ‘loss of a spouse’

Morning has broken

Posted by mozziestarlet on November 18, 2008

When I awakened this morning, I felt overwhelmed by the intricacies of my current situation.  I immediately thought about all of the negative things working against me at present…being laid off during the worst recession, struggling to make ends meet, navigating the painful beginning steps of divorce, and feeling alone in the entire process.  At first, when I sat down at my laptop to write today’s entry, I thought I would vent some of this frustration.  I mean, everything definitely sucks for me right now, so why not get it off my chest so I can feel better about things?  Then, I opened my email and had a note from an ex-coworker that contained the message below.

 

You see, ‘Clueless VP’s’ wife has struggled with cancer for many years now, and despite their efforts in progressive treatment, they were unable to save her life.  Upon first reading this message, I almost felt a ting of satisfaction that someone who has wronged me is having something bad happen to them as a result.  This notion lasted for about thirty seconds until I realized that it wasn’t at all about me or my dislike of ‘Clueless VP,’ but about the loss of a wife, a mother, and a friend.  I began to cry as I thought about the two young sons left behind, facing the rest of their lives without the love and support that only a mother can provide.  How do others survive a loss like this?  How do they find the courage to carry on when they’ve lost their most prized asset?  I cannot begin to comprehend it.

 

All I know is that my problems, seemingly insurmountable to me at present, are but a grain of sand in comparison to what this family is enduring.  And somehow, my angst and feelings of ill will towards ‘Clueless VP’ seem childish and preposterous now…almost unfounded.  I suppose the moral of the story, if there be one, is that no matter what adversity you may currently face, there are others who face much more difficult trials and losses.  In order to grow as a person, you must surrender the pain, regret, feelings of ill will, and negative emotions and instead channel this energy into finding the greater good.  Realizing this is much easier said than done, I am my own harshest critic in this regard.  Nevertheless, this is how I will face each day in the future.  Release the guilt, blame, and regret and seek the good, the honorable, and the positive in everything.  This is my admonition and I encourage you to seek it as well.

 

I will leave you with the email note that started this entire train of thought.  And, as difficult as it may be for me to will this into practice, I must remind myself to always treat others the way I want to be treated, even when they have been unkind to me, for this is the greater good in life.  This is the ideal.

Dearest friends, 

My wife passed away this afternoon, very peacefully and without pain.  I was holding her hand and her best friend was by her side.  Her closest friends were at our home within minutes and all shared their goodbyes.  I have been most worried about our kids – lots of conflicting advice about how to handle things. After friends brought them home early from school, I took both of them into my oldest son’s room and told them that their mother had died. Both knew what I was going to say. We cried and held each other for a good long while.  Then, with their permission, we moved to the master bedroom. Their mother was on the single hospital bed where she had died facing away from us. The boys and I sat on our king bed, talking about their Mama and how we had been preparing for this day. We spoke of how things will change and how they will stay the same. The boys were very thoughtful and mature, all things considered. There were quiet moments infused with love and emotion.

I am glad that my children had this time with their mother. It felt the right level of connection with her, and among us, and I believe it will help with their closure. I feel certain that my wife would have been pleased by this.

We all knew this day was coming, but it is of course so very sad that it has arrived.

My deepest love to all of you.

 

golden-rule1

 

 golden-do-unto

 

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