The “Bad Husband” Chronicles

Just another day for you and me in Paradise

Posts Tagged ‘unemployment’

Making lemonade out of nothing at all

Posted by mozziestarlet on September 11, 2009

lemons

Okay okay, I know the title of this entry is a cheesy, 1980’s music reference, but sometimes a lyric not only nails a situation, but can make you chuckle as well.  And for those of you, sitting in front of your computer monitors and scratching your heads right about now, that reference was to a song by the band Air Supply.  And yes,  they do require crackers prior to listening. 😉

Many of you have written and inquired as to the lapse in my blog entries, and up until now, I really haven’t had a suitable explanation for it.  The truth of the matter is that I  love writing these entries as much as you enjoy reading them.  So, why the months of silence then?  Well, for the past six months, things in my life have sucked…and I mean, royally and equivocally.  Unemployment woes, dodging credit sharks, and dancing the ‘rob Peter to pay Paul’ tango has become a full-time occupation for me.  And to add insult to serious injury, I developed insomnia in the midst of it all.  Talk about the proverbial ‘being kicked while you’re down’!  Being sleep deprived when your stress level is growing by leaps and bounds is the cherry on top of the cake.  Sleep is my haven and my refuge, or at least it was before everything in my life began accelerating downhill, so this really hit below the belt.  During all this uncertainty and and sleep deprivation, I came to realize that I have allowed my dire circumstances to keep me from doing the things that I truly enjoy and make me happy, like writing this blog.  It’s almost as if I internalized things so much that I felt I didn’t deserve to enjoy anything.  Since everything sucks, why not just acquiesce and throw in the towel?  Why bother…right?

I’d be dishonest if I didn’t admit that I fight these thoughts about every other day.  Some days, I really allow myself to wallow in the misery of it until I’m so exhausted that I can’t think about anything anymore.  After months of behaving this way, I began to realize that the only person I’m harming is myself.  Yes, I feel like crap over all the things in my life that I wish were different and better, but what is wallowing in it going to accomplish other than making me feel worse than I already do?  Absolutely nothing.

I’m going through some difficult and heartbreaking changes in my life right now, but I will endure them.  I will come out on the other side, perhaps bruised and battered, but as a survivor.  One day, I hope to be able to look back on these times and say, ‘Wow. I can’t believe I went through what I did and lived to tell about it.’ A loved one recently said to me, “Mozzie, things are awful right now, but you will get through it and be a stronger person because of it.  These difficult struggles build character.” At first, I grimaced at this person’s remarks and thought of Morrissey’s lyrics, “How can anyone possibly say they know how I feel?” But then I took a step back, gave it some thought, and realized what this person was saying to me was right on the money.

I don’t know what the future holds for me, but I have faith in the promise of tomorrow and tomorrow’s tomorrow.  So, I’m cashing in my one-way ticket to Wallowsville and banking my frequent flier points for a destination still unknown.

“When life gives you lemons, squeeze the juice into a squirt gun and squirt it into someone’s eye. It’ll make you feel better.”

-Anonymous

when-life-gives-you-lemons

Posted in "Bad Husband" Chronicles | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments »

“To write is to sit in judgment on oneself”

Posted by mozziestarlet on May 26, 2009

Self_reflection_pic

As much as I’d love to be able to take credit for that statement, I hardly can.  Henrik Ibsen, a remarkable 19th century Norwegian poet and playwright, penned that statement even before the turn of the 20th century.  I can remember first reading that when I was about fifteen years-old, and feeling the complete brilliance and truth of it sitting squarely on my shoulders.  You see…for a writer, there couldn’t possibly be any statement more at the heart of the matter.  Not to sound exclusive, but it’s a difficult thing to explain to someone outside of this reality; to someone who hasn’t spent the majority of their life trying to make sense of their existence year after year, through each stroke of their pen.  The funny thing about being a writer is that it’s very much a feast or famine talent.  You may go through periods in your life where the words seem to leap from you faster than you are able to write or type them.  And other times, you lull through months or even longer where you simply cannot find the words, no matter how desperately you need to.

Certainly, I cannot speak for every writer on this planet.  But, in my thirty-six years on this earth, this is exactly how it has been and continues to be for me.  I’ve often found myself wondering why this is…why are there times and periods in my life where I cannot stop writing and others when the pen sits frozen in my hand?  Is it a type of possession that temporarily takes hold of you until you’ve said all you feel you can say on the subject?  Or, is it a God-given gift that like any type of talent should be nurtured and fertilized each and every day in order for it to continue to grow and flourish? 

I really couldn’t say one way or the other, and I hardly have a definitive answer on the subject.  However, there is one thing that I know for certain; one thing that I hold dear and true.  Henrik Ibsen was right.  “To write is to sit in judgment on oneself.”  And perhaps, it is this self-scrutiny, and this personal dissection, that makes our writing ebb and flow.  At times, this self-reflection is a necessary evil for our own understanding and personal growth.  And at other times, the cruelty of sitting beneath a microscope of self-analysis is simply more than a person can withstand. 

I don’t think the admission of this duality makes me less of a writer, really.  I think it’s what makes me a human being.

 

“If I’m trying to sleep, the ideas won’t stop. If I’m trying to write, there appears a barren nothingness.”
~ Carrie Latet

“Writing is utter solitude, the descent into the cold abyss of oneself.”
~ Franz Kafka

“You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you.”
~ Ray Bradbury

Posted in "Bad Husband" Chronicles | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

The pursuit of happiness

Posted by mozziestarlet on April 8, 2009

pursuitofhappiness1

 

Okay, okay.  So, I’m not immune to peer pressure either.  Given that it’s been nearly a month since my last entry and many of you have written inquiring as to my status as ‘alive or dead,’ I figured it is only the polite thing to do to post an updated entry.  Truth be known, I haven’t felt terribly inspired or creative in the past few weeks, and keeping my head above water has been my prime directive.  Yes, I am still looking for a job with little success, but, as you all know from reading my words, I always believe in holding on to hope.  I’ve found that as grim as things may appear in your situation, things are always worse for others.  Though I take no comfort in the suffering of others, this notion often keeps my toes warm at night.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the ideal of ‘happiness’ and all that it entails.  And yes, I refer to it as an ‘ideal’ because I honestly think this description encapsulates the esoteric nature of it.  In my life, I’ve found that happiness isn’t really a state of being, but rather the moments by which we judge our lives.  I mean, how often has someone asked you, “Are you happy?” and you think to yourself, ‘Well, I suppose I am…at least at this moment in time.’  Do you ever wonder why we often think this way and why it is so difficult to reply with a resounding, ‘YES?!’  After giving it considerable thought, I think it has something to do with difficult times and worries overshadowing the positive things in our lives.  When we’re burdened, we often feel like the world is ultimately against us and nothing ever seems to work out as we hoped.  I can say this because I am guilty of this mentality perhaps more than anyone else.

The point of my rambling here is that happiness is something we must pursue.  It does not exist in a vacuum or by chance.  It’s built through our relationships, our kindness shown to others, and our ability to love and give of ourselves.  This is the seed of happiness.  And if given enough care and sunlight, it can grow into a garden of possibilities.

garden-giverny

“We tend to forget that happiness doesn’t come as a result of getting something we don’t have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.”

– Frederick Koening

“Happiness is not a brilliant climax to years of grim struggle and anxiety. It is a long succession of little decisions simply to be happy in the moment.”

– J. Donald Walters

Posted in "Bad Husband" Chronicles | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

First day back in the office

Posted by mozziestarlet on October 24, 2008

8am:  I shuffle out to the car, running late, and begin to zoom off towards the office.  I gaze down at the gas gauge and I’m on empty.  The husband obviously drove my car while I was on vacation and left me with just enough fumes to make it about two miles.  I decide to push the envelope and see if I can make it to work without stopping for gas.  It’s cool today, so I think I can manage without the A/C, despite the fact that I am full of hot air.

8:30:  I am five minutes from the office and hit a road block on my usual route.  I circle around and begin to feel like I must be on Candid Camera.  No gas, a road block, running late on my first day back from paradise.  Starbucks is the only option, so I pull in for a latte.  Only Venti size will work for me today.

9am:  I arrive to my office, sit my purse down and immediately get a phone call from the HR Manager.  She says, “Hey there, how was your vacation?  Could you come by and see me for a minute?”  Given that I’ve heard this song and dance countless times before, I already know what is coming.  I enter her office, where ‘The Stomping Bean’ is sitting in an adjacent chair.  She begins her speech, obviously from the politically correct Human Resources B.S. manual, and tells me that my position has been eliminated along with ten others.  ‘The Stomping Bean’ pats me on my shoulder and adds, “You were one of the best we had here.  I am sorry and I hope you will not take this as a personal reflection on you.  Please do not take this personally.”  I politely shake hands with them and am comforted by the fact that my hard work and years put into the company during our current recession will land me a great recommendation and opportunity for the first shift at McDonalds.  I think to myself…Don’t take this personally…if anything means anything in this life, shouldn’t it at the very least be personal?

 

10am:  I pack my photos, half-dead plant and my“The Queen is Dead” Smiths poster that once decorated my office wall into a copy paper box and head downstairs.  The heartfelt send-off from none of my co-workers has reaffirmed my faith in the true goodness of people. 

 

1pm:  I arrive home to deliver the news to the husband.  He is so kind to refrain from his current fascination with what is showing on AMC to listen to the news that I’ve just lost my job.  A hug, a word or two of comfort and reassurance is never necessary when it’s time for me to begin networking and surfing the net for new job opportunities.  Before heading upstairs for his afternoon nap, the husband says, “I’m sorry about your job, but we have to have money to live on and you can’t afford to waste any time, k?”

 

5pm:  I wake from a one-hour Lortab induced nap that has assisted in relieving 20% of my physical pain.  I desperately rummage through the bathroom drawers looking for a temporary fix for my mental pain, knowing that a dosage that high will potentially be lethal.

7pm:  I review our financials and bank account and am pleasantly surprised that we will have just enough money to pay the mortgage and bills for two months before facing adversity.  Starvation is a great method of losing weight and finally squeezing into those size 12’s that have been hanging in my closet since college.  Where there’s a will, there’s a ‘weigh,’ right?

Posted in "Bad Husband" Chronicles, Bad boss, Bad Husband, bad marriage, bad spouse, co-workers, Comic Wit, Difficult Spouse, Divorce, Dogs, family, Funny, Humor, Irony, Life, Love, Marriage, marriage problems, Morrissey, Office drama, office humor, poetry, relationships, sarcasm, Spouse | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments »