Trouble loves me

Phew, what a crazy couple of days it has been at Mozzie’s pad.  Needless to say, informing the husband of filing the ‘D’ papers didn’t go over very well.  After four hours of what amounted to a one-sided lecture (from him to me), I managed to escape somewhat unscathed to the parental units for rest, reflection and a lot of TLC.  Just what the doctor ordered.  The most frustrating aspect of talking with a non-listener is trying to reason logically to them.  This is about as futile an effort as trying to solve the current economic crisis over night.  When things ‘go bad’ in a situation, it usually didn’t happen in 24 hours.  Typically, there is so much that led up to the event, so many little things which at the time didn’t seem insurmountable.  The problem with this is that eventually all of the little things add up into an incredible stack of teetering dominos.  If you stack the pile high enough, all it takes is one more domino on the top of the pile to send the whole mess tumbling down.  My situation with the husband is no exception to this analogy.

Being such a compassionate person makes the situation doubly difficult.  You see, when your life is a mess, it doesn’t just affect you.  It affects your parents, your immediate family, your friends, and even your sweet little snaggle-toothed puppy.  All who love you feel the heat and often get burned from it.  Divorce doesn’t just ‘happen’ to you.  The collateral damage ripples out to all who love you as well.  This is the worst part of it all and makes you feel like the lousiest person in the world for being so stupid.

 

Nevertheless, my situation is what it is and I am doing my best to take one day at a time.  I am thankful for my family and for always having a few people who I know I can depend on, despite my circumstances.  I am also grateful that once I removed my rose-colored glasses and saw the husband for exactly who and what he is, I found the courage to say, “No, this isn’t ok to live like this.  I deserve better.  I’d rather be alone for the right reasons than with someone for the wrong ones.”  This is how I feel and ultimately, I know it is a good thing.  Yes, I’m terrified of the notion of facing the unknown yet again in my life, but the unknown is better than living a life beneath your standards.  You must accept responsibility for your own actions and misfortunes, but you have to forgive yourself sometimes for being human and making mistakes.  As Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote, “Nothing is at last sacred but the integrity of your own mind.”  I’d like to ‘high five’ Emerson for that one.  He certainly knew what he was talking about.  So, the moral of the story is: “Acknowledge, move on.”  Own up to your circumstances, mistakes and disappointments, but move on to the next phase in your life.  Don’t let your past dictate the course of your future.

I will leave you with the incredible lyrics of Martin Gore: “You’ve got to move on sometime, and it’s about time, by putting one foot in front of the other and repeating the process.”

Twinkle, Twinkle,

Mozziestar