One day “goodbye” will be “farewell”

After months of anticipation on my part, the day finally arrived last Saturday for the bad husband’s departure.  He packed his things (and his bruised ego) and made his trek back to his home town.  I stopped by my home last Friday night to check on things while he was out, and for the first time in such a long time, I could see the semblance of my home beneath all the clutter and junk that I was forced to live with during our marriage.  The shadow of my once beloved solace lingered beneath the piles of boxes, and I felt giddy by the thought of actually being able to return home again.  And at 11am last Saturday morning, that’s exactly what I did.  I gathered my things from the parental units’ home where I’ve been living these past months, and headed home. 

When I arrived, there was an eerie silence in the house…a thickness that you could almost feel hanging in the air.  I gazed around and was overcome with a range of emotions.  At first, I felt such relief and excitement at the realization that I was actually going to be able to be home again; the home I worked so diligently to have and maintain all these years.  As I assessed the surroundings, I felt a horrible sinking feeling creeping up from the pit of my stomach and felt tears well up in my eyes.  Even though I had waited for this moment for months, the realization of finality swept over me like a tidal wave.  I cried for about an hour, realizing later that this was and is simply part of the process of grief, acceptance, and ultimately, recovery.  Despite how nonchalant my tone may appear at times throughout the blog, don’t let it fool you.  Divorce is a horribly gutting experience and one that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.  And if you’re like me, prone to wear your heart on your sleeve, the experience affects you even more so than the ‘Average Joe’ who may think of divorce as an ‘easy’ solution to a seemingly insurmountable problem.  Solution?  Sometimes.  Easy?  Not hardly.

So, for the past four days and with the unbelievable help and support of my family, I’ve moved back not just into my house, but my home.  As the old proverb says, “Home is where the heart is.”  I couldn’t agree more.

“Always be careful when you abuse the one you love
the hour or the day no one can tell
but one day ‘goodbye’ will be ‘farewell’…”

 – Morrissey